It seems we're never really quite ready for the most obvious and natural aspects of being alive, are we?
Yesterday, Joshua & Ezra left with their closest Kathmandu friends for a ten day pre-holiday holiday to Thailand. At 17 and 15 (16 on the 28th), this is the first time our sons have gone off for such a long period of time, not to mention another country.
Of course, as Priscilla would say, 'they come by it honestly'. They were born in Bangkok, Samitivej Hospital. They didn't even need a visa to arrive! Since then, they have been in and out of Thailand on annual vacations. BKK and Thailand ares a city and country they are quite familiar with, even though they've never lived there. For a few years now, we've let them meander around BKK on their own whenever we're there. It's a relatively safe and easy city to move around.
Still, there's the separation anxiety just below the surface or bubbling all over the surface -- depending on the hour of the day or night...
Neither Shaku nor I slept well last night, after they left. I was up late for the Germany vs Turkey Euro Cup game, but then couldn't find my night muse, until I ended up in Ezra's empty bed downstairs around 4 am. I think I did the same thing late last summer when Joshua left on his own to go to the States for his first year at NMH in western Massachusetts.
In truth, it's not just the fact that the boys are in Thailand far from parental guidance & support. After all, they have Adhish, Silas, Narayan, Sudip and Norbu -- five relatively mature, tall, handsome, some responsible friends to protect each other. But, underneath yesterday's departure is the knowledge that neither Josh nor Ezi are coming back w/ us at the end of the summer.
Going, going, gone. Anicca. Anicca. Impermanence. Transience. Departures. Good-byes.
After 17 years w/ Josh & Ez intimately in our lives, they are both now stepping out into that vast, seductive, fascinating, attractive and, occasionally, manipulative world around us. They will be in a safe haven in Northfield Mount Hermon come the end of August. But, our hearts are left in the wilderness...
We still have a summer together with them, meandering Northern California, the coast of Oregon, the coast of Maine and Boston... but, both Shaku & I know that, under the surface, a stage of our lives together, joined in one home, is over.
Our home in Kathmandu will be much the lonelier without these two precious souls and sons in our daily lives. There is a sadness for both of us, the proud and pained parents, alas...
Still, it was sweet to get an email from Joshu today. Silence from Ezi.
They are now officially: "CtC" and "DCtC". i.e., as Josh informed us the day before he left, 'Cut the Cord' and 'Don't Cut the Cord', our beloved, remarkable and profoundly adored sons; forever ours; forever (in our minds)
Young...
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