Marriage, you say... and I hear the echo of these thoughts & struggles in my own life over the decades.. ;-)
Shaks & I are up and down, as always, but we have tended to keep an even keel over the recent years with the occasional (almost expected...) battles of wills or frustration. Then, as always, our two decades of slow, well-earned understanding, accompanied by nature's nocturnal passion, helps to cool the ego fires and sudden emotional eruptions.
Not to menton the constant joy of our three children, Joshua, Ezra & Ms. Leah Prajna rose, who pull us closer together, again and again. We look at them with obvious love & affection and know that, if not for the other, they would not/could not be, either. They are a mighty anchor in an often troubled and insincere world.
Such is basis for our personal nineteen year journey together through many obstacles along the way...
My heart, however, goes out for the constant struggle that many of our dearest friends also are going through. I wish I had more to offer them than tales of Kathmandu and our own dilemmas.
In certain cases, I know how much one half of the couple wants to be successful in their professional world, and yet, how that seems a bit (not fully...) less substantial to their long-term partner.
Such worldly achievement all departs, anyway, as we know, so a lifetime of love and kindness seem greater values than the corporate ladder or illusions of change in others' lives. But, who can say such things to others in the midst of their own quests for achievement, recognition and ambition? We've been there. We know it. It's an intoxicating brew rich with responsibilities and even hopes. But, not worth its currency at the cost of simpler, more essential, more lastingl aspects of life and living.
After all, how many people actually wed their laptops or bosses or villagers or proposals and find real happiness??!! ;-)
All I can say to my friends is to be forgiving and kind to each other. You've invested quite a lot in something very rare, almost insubstantial, like love & marriage. These qualities of life can disappear as quickly or suddenly as they were created.
As we have learned, destruction is much quicker than creation. The creative impulse takes time and energy, care and commitment. Not always easy, but serious and fulfilling. With children, we've created your own little garden (which is all any of us get anyway...) in which to inhabit.
Of course, we need our own worlds, too, we can't depend on our little ones to give us theirs. For that reason, it's important to find a few moments every few days to talk about your shared family, your shared children, as well as your own dreams and desires, Try, if possible, to leap ahead a decade in your thoughts to look back and think what you truly want now.
Find small acts of kindness or affection to offer your lover, your friend, your spouse. We all need to remember that when we start to fight again or push against each other, simply stop, think of something more beautiful, more peaceful, more soothing in our image of ourselves. Only then come back to the conversation in five minutes when the burning unmanageable sensation in your mind or gut is gone.
Peace is not only what states do, it's what we each create each moment of our lives. Each moment we can be conscious enough to understand that we are creating the world around us, all the time. For our selves, our spouses and our children.
So, we start again, again, and yet again.
Each morning, as Vivien Leigh said years ago in a different context,
"Tomorrow is another day..."