The Carousel of Time

how much time has passed?  keeps passing.  passes without us noticing.  

passes with the simple acts of taking our children to school in the morning, watching the monsoon rain splatter the road in front of us, listening to a favorite cello sonata in the evening or spending another lengthy day in the office.  

do we all feel that?  

do we all feel time's gentle, remorseless pitter patter against the window panes of our lives?  

like dew dripping off our brows?  

so mild we hardly notice it ‘til we feel our shirts drenched in sweat and a rough night's sleep troubled by the passage of those silent hours immersed amid chaotic, half-remembered images entwined in a vague sense of loss.

i still wonder...  do u wonder at times?  

it's a wonderful life, for sure.  but no less disorienting, as well.

i read today that scientists  found some particles that travel faster than light.  do u believe that?  do u believe what's in the newspapers any more?  did we ever?  

i know for me that was one of the reasons why i left america three decades ago.  i didn't trust the tv news to tell me the truth.  even with fatherly walter cronkite on cbs news.  maybe it was the vietnam war or watergate, but there was too much missing in those condensed vignettes of events, parades and speeches.  

as much as i tried i couldn't find the curtains on a tv to pull them back to reveal what was behind the screen or on the edge of the camera where the real people, like you or me, stood to gaze curiously back at us in our worlds so distant from theirs.

i read a lot of books at that time -- although not all the academic ones that i was supposed to read for college swarming with new words related to ontology, teleology, theology, philosophy, carvakans and advaita vedanta.  

but, to be honest, i needed time for simpler living amid my youthful friends to balance the intensive required daily reading, writing and pontificating.  as much as i loved them, not even absorbing novels by tolstoy and dostoyevski or dh lawrence and thomas hardy could do justice to the real world around us.  

i needed my own personal 'reality' show for that.  time after college meandering the globe, traveling on the hard surface of the world, meeting people, hearing their stories, encountering their lives, seeing the small worlds that weren't on the tv screen, but were the core of human culture and expressions of love and survival.

possibly scott and i were ahead of our times.  travelling the world in the late 70s when most of our college friends were in graduate school pursuing a more linear and accomplished career path.  

while we were spending easter in a carthusian monastery near grenoble in 1978.  then, a month later, climbing jebel toubkal above marrakesh, the highest point in the atlas mountains.  before transversing the lush landscapes of west africa en route to our first muslim ramadan on lamu, a sleepy port town on the kenyan coast.  an introduction to the gentler islamic culture that we were about to encounter in a variety of forms for the next year as we meandered from the nile river to the euphrates on the syrian-turkish border to the wide indus plains in south asia.  

far from our tvs and newspapers, we had time to sit for a few days on the roof of the ferry from port sudan  under the azure sky reading a history book while waiting for the ancient temple of abu simbel to appear on the horizon.  working on an archeological dig of a nabatean amplitheater in the negev before crossing the jordan to sleep in a bedouin's cave in ancient petra.  and admiring the ancient byzantine churches become mosques in damascus or the ancient roman ruins of palmyra in the desert.  before we reached stamboul where we found a passenger ship sailing from byzantium to trabezon in eastern turkey.  from where we could admire the magnificent mosques of esfahan, iran, before riding on the top of the mercedes buses through the wilds of baluchistan to mother india...

we weren't traveling anywhere near the speed of light.  in fact, no matter what the papers say this week, i don't  believe that particles can travel faster than the speed of light.  do u?  more hubris!  like using a man-created word for the noble, immanent idea of g-d.  simply makes no logical sense.  how can a limited word you can find in the dictionary symbolize the eternal, everlasting, ultimate, mysterious truth of our existence.  isn't that an oxymoron? 

some qualities of life should be respected.  kept in their original shape.  'inviolate', i believe, would be the word.  we can deprecate everything else, but the speed of light and g-d, at least, should be left on the sidelines of our materialistic, secular, ironic, post modern minds.  at least that's what i think...

although, there is something about memory that does move pretty damn quickly.  life swirls by faster than a carousel at the speedway.  bonnie raitt realized that.  so did joni mitchell's circle game.  those musical muses were on to something years before us.  

we did have a suspicion that there was something curious about life that we weren't fully aware of.  something more sprightly and yet deceptive than even prof. kennick's light-hearted stroll across campus.  maybe, in our twenties, it was seeing our parents age.  time was at it, again, we knew.  

so we play-acted those self-proclaimed 'death drills' as summer approached when our campus life was bundled up and put in the attic -- until it was brought out again in september tempting us with the thought of an easy rebirth, renewal amid the magical cycle of new england life repeating itself anew in a generous, playful way.

but, we're older now.  more aware.  more experienced in the ways and illusions of the world. 

the world, possibly, to our hoary eyes, a bit more transparent than years before.  we've seen these changes  a few times already.  we're not so easily fooled.  we have observed longer, more deeply and clearly with those cold eyes that yeats spoke of.  ‘under ben bulben’.

             "Cast a cold eye

              On life, on death.

              Horseman, pass by!"

those eyes that see within or through the simpler realities of our own youth.  

we see those youth around us now.  but we are in a different place, a new plane, an older orbit.  rather than feeling ourselves the center of the universe, as we may have when we were younger.  we've edged out toward the outer rings of solitary solar systems.  gaining some perspective with all this living.  some sense of the fragility and loneliness of the spaces in which we inhabit.  the perpetual still darkness of the world, the rich, black vastness of it all.  not just at night time -- though that too!  but even during the light-hearted days, we know that silent black empyrean surrounds us.

we've seen it.  haven't we?  death coming again and again.  if it's not one thing, it's another.  if not our friend, someone else's.  if not our neighbor, then someone else's.  if the war isn't on our soil, we watch it take place on someone else's.  if the fatal accident didn't occur on our road tonight, we'll read it in tomorrow's paper.  if the terror killing innocents at prayer isn't in our country, it's nearby.  if it's not my father or mother today, we know it's someone else's.  even without meeting them, we know someone is crying tonight with that unredeemable pain.  if not our brother or sister, there is someone weeping softly in their bedroom having lost one they love who will never return.  if not our child, someone not far away has suffered the worst form of human pain the world has to shame and defeat us, the death of one we lusted into this world; of us and yet gone from us.

such pain, bodhi, it's all around in this floating, inconsequential, deceptively agreeable world.  we have seen it so many more times now than those youthful days when we were up late smoking, dreaming of a better world while listening to grace slick sing ecstatically, transcendently (we thought...) of the elusive, mirage-like 'white rabbit' leading alice away, like us, from one world and into another.  

we had small tastes then of disappearing grandparents who seemed, too, to follow that iconic white rabbit places none of us could go.  or inspiring political leaders brutally removed from our hopes and futures.  

but we felt we held the long end of the stick those days.  we could laugh easily about the vast possibilities yet uncertainty of the world around us.  we were fortunate.  we had dreams and each other.  we had caring, kind and generous families.  we still had our parents and our many siblings.  we didn't know how these peels of the onion would one day start to strip away from our core.  

we didn't truly know how steadily time had us floating out toward the edge of our individual solar systems.  

we couldn't fully see.

"whole sight or all else is desolation."  from 'daniel martin' by john fowles.

it's a right funny old world around us.  we wake up and take a shower, have some breakfast and head to work.  but it isn't the same day every day, is it?.  that's what the sacred souls try to tell us.  their perpetual philosophy, as huxley described it.  

'anicca' -- all momentary sensations passing, impermanent and yet to come, as eliot and the theravadans have said..  

we simply don't take enough moments each hour to notice how far apart those days are becoming.  

how much time has passed already between them.

because it's only when we put joshua on the plane friday night for his junior year at soas in london that i suddenly realized how much time has passed and how far i have traveled through time from when we used to bathe that adorable, beloved baby son in a blue plastic bucket, when we took such simple joy in his easy laughter and quick unreflective smile.

it's not quite so simple now to give that last big bear hug, pulling our bodies tightly together, then step back, steadily look each other in the eyes, then, unable to grab him, hold on to him, feel that i can protect him as i watch him walk alone into the dull, unglamorous glow of the kathmandu airport without us.

not easy, at all...

that's the real mark of time in our lives.  

the darkened orbits that we can't follow.  

the rabbit hole ones we love disappear into...

almost imperceptibly...

leaving me feeling as vulnerable as i've ever known.

knowing, once again, in this stage of life, how much time and physical distance has passed since i set out to my own 'ithaka', away from our loving parents, natal families and protective nations...  

until that distant day when my own children were born to me...

when they were so petite, vulnerable and dependent, now 

he is gone by himself to london last night.

Dalit Discussions on a Draft Nepal Constitution

The mist encloses this isolated hotel on the backside of Nagarkot.  It’s been raining steadily for four days within the Kathmandu Valley.   Yesterday I came to attend a three-day workshop on constitutional issues with Dalit leaders from the major political parties and associated NGOs.  The clouds keep our concentration on the issues at hand, instead of gazing out the picture windows at the snow-capped Himalaya to the north.

As Nepal moves closer (we hope...) to a draft constitution before the November 30^th deadline, there is a rush among interest groups to clarify the minimum common demands they wish to include in the final draft constitution.   Among these communities, the splits that have divided them by party or ideology or class are being diminished to ensure they are better able to influence their party leaders and those few who will most likely have a greater say on the final draft.

Among the Dalits, the previously ‘untouchable’ castes, these internal schisms have been as severe as among any other identity group in Nepal.  As the psychiatrists and social historians advise us, painful family problems and political divisions often internally rive groups that have been harshly discriminated against within their larger society.  Such troubles have been apparent among the Dalit communities, as well, as they seek unified strategies, programs and policies that would support their enhanced economic, social and political rights in a 21st C. Nepal free from past discrimination and degradation.

Now, after two years of on-going discussions among these Dalit leaders, this latest SPCBN/UNDP workshop brought the best and brightest of the Maoist, Congress and UML parties together with their colleagues from the constitutional National Dalit Commission and related NGOs. 

Over the past two+ days, they have eagerly and openly debated the major outstanding constitutional issues, with special emphasis on fundamental rights, forms of government, the election system and state restructuring.  The actual constitutional language on these issues, perforce, will have a major impact on their historically disadvantaged Dalit community.  Each proposed constitutional provision will either further encourage improved opportunities for their community or continue their isolatation from the mainstream of Nepali society, with future potential economic growth and political leadership limited for their children and grandchildren in the years to come.

Yet, in all such gatherings, it’s not possible to completely take the person out of their party, even when they all belong to the same historically suppressed Dalit community.  At times, some of these leaders go off on justifications of their own party’s perspective on these national issues.  But they quickly lose their audience as other Dalit leaders start to complain or openly ask how long they will keep talking off the actual topic. 

But, by and large, these conversations have been extremely mature, thoughtful and dispassionate.  Some of the women leaders have been as articulate and forthright as their male colleagues.  In particular, it’s obvious to see how the Maoist party has cultivated some of these younger women in positions where they have gained greater exposure on issues related to caste, class and political empowerment.

On fundamental rights, naturally, there have been detailed discussions on Dalit rights, especially how best to ensure that the new constitution is even more proscriptive in eliminating the remains of caste discrimination.  Although the Government of Nepal has ratified many international conventions (ICCPR, CERD, CEDAW et al) over the decades and new laws been introduced to further restrict the traditional discrimination against Dalits, the sad reality is that such racial discrimination still exists within Nepali society, as does racial discrimination in most countries.

On state restructuring, the workshop discussion revolved around how Dalits can gain greater political authority and rights under the new Federal Republic of Nepal.   However, unlike the Indigenous communities, who are advocating for their own plurality states, or at least states named after their cultural and geographic histories, the Dalit population is so widespread in Nepal that there is no area of the country that would logically support a contiguous or representative Dalit state. 

Therefore, some Dalits advocated a non-territorial federalism for the Dalit community where they would be joined within a political structure that would recognize their identity and unite them even as they remain dispersed across the country.  But this is a muted demand and most Dalit leaders acknowledge that federalism in and of itself will not systemically improve their situation in Nepal.

For that reason, much of the conversation revolved around the proposed election system.  They discussed how a new electoral structure will best support the enhancement of Dalit leaders and representation in future parliament-legislatures.  Currently, the debate revolves around how to balance a first past the post (FPP) system where the winner takes all with a proportional representation (PR) system whereby a pre-arranged number of seats are allocated to representatives of historically disadvantaged communities based on a national constituency, i.e. the total number of votes each party gains throughout the nation.   

Because the Constituent Assembly election in 2008 included more PR seats than FPP, this 601 member CA has 50 Dalit representatives – much more than any previous parliamentary election in Nepal; including, for the first time, Dalits who remarkably won their own constituency elections through the FPP system (all Maoist candidates).

The drafters of the new constitution will have to decide how to best to balance the seats allocated for the FPP and PR, i.e. what number and percentage of th seats will be FPP or PR.  Historically, until 2008, the FPP seats were won by the traditional elite communities -- never the Dalits.

Similarly, Dalits will have to observe carefully how the PR seats are categorized – e.g. how strictly will the rules be drafted so that specific minorities are ensured representation on the PR lists.  For example, under the women quota, will there be a Dalit or IP women's quota or will most of the women's quota go to the traditionally politically well-connected women?

Also, will the Dalits be given additional compensatory seats to adjust for their historical discrimination or will they be given an exact percentage of seats (relative to their population).  In 2008, they were allocated a proportion of seats less than their national population percentage.  How exact will be the effort to ensure proportional reprsentation, as committed in the 2007 Interim Constitution?

Some CA MPs, nonetheless, made a case that the Dalits should also be prepared to compete for FPP seats, as well, to show their imcreased capabilities and individually prove their abilities and worth in an open election compared to any other Nepalin. 

On the form of government, where the primary national discourse revolves around either a presidential system (favored by the Maoists) or a Westminster system with a prime minister selected by the largest party in the parliament (favored by the Congress party).  However a third option has been mooted that is a French-style mixed (semi-presidential) model where state powers are shared between the prime minister chosen by the parliament and a directly elected president. 

For the Dalits, there seemed to be less emphasis on this debate, as they don’t imagine that they will have the opportunity to hold either position in the near future.  One person did recommend that if there is an honorary presidential system (with a ruling prime minister), then the president should rotate among the various ethnic and caste communities in Nepal, thereby permitting a nationally respected Dalit to hold that ceremonial post in the future.

As the workshop ended, there were many voices of appreciation for the accomplishments over these few days, with the understanding that there is more work to be done in writing up the conclusions over the upcoming Desain holidays, meeting with constituents to discuss these issues and further discussions later in October to refine the agreements.  

At that time, they will need to formalize the actual language and then sit with their own party top leaders to gain their consent to include clauses in the new constitution that directly benefit the Dalit community.

If even part of this is achieved in a new constitution, then these three September days will have been well-spent and meaningful here on the misty side of Nagarkot.  

Jai Nepal!

6.8 Earth Shakes in Kathmandu

It's been a couple of days since we felt a good-sized earthquake here on Sunday night. It was the first serious earth-shake that we'd experienced in this relatively earthquake prone Himalayan region in two decades.

The worst, before this, had been the 1988 6.6 earthquake in Dhankuta, a 120 miles east of here. I'll never quite forget the lantern in the front hall swinging in the air for 5-10 minutes after the earthquake.

It's also when I learned the Nepali word for earthquake, one I never forgot. After all it wasn't exactly rocket science to understand what the chowkidars were yelling that night as the dogs were going wild and the nearby chicken coops screeching madly.

"Bwichaalo ayo!" came the cry from the guard in our yard and around the neighborhood. "Bwichaalo ayo!" 'Ayo' was easy... something had come... the Nepali noun didn't take much further thought as we could feel the house move around us. "Earthquake!"

This past Sunday evening, Josh n I were downstairs watching the Liverpool game when the floor literally started moving. "It's an earthquake!" said Josh as we both started moving away from the door nearby behind us -- but to the dining room to call "Leah, Leah, come down here quick, it's an earthquake!".

As she rushed down the stairs, followed by Cobie, her year old cat, we all rushed out the dining room through a sliding glass door. There was a rumble definitely, of either the loosely fitting glass windows or something from the house. We were all freaked out a bit by the sudden rush of risk and danger.

"I'm scared!", Leah said as she hugged me tight, "I'm scared!".

Little Leah was shivering and hugging w/ the fright we all felt while standing outside staring at the house in the evening shadows. Joshua and Leah said afterwards that they saw the whole house shift, sway a bit, in the darkness as the earth moved below our feet.

"Let's get further from the building," Josh advised as we moved out in the frontyard stone steps, while I noticed the aluminum chimes were singing slightly in the silence with no nearby wind causing the sounds...

I also heard a huge guttural, wave-like rumbling come from the deep, dark earth's core. Honestly. A strange, elemental groaning from the depth of the mountain. A yawning and cracking, like the earth itself had woken up, stretched her stony bones and was about to move again. That sound, as if the earth were forming at a time when neither beast or man had ever existed, echoes still in my memory. 

To say that we were anxious is an understatement. I could feel my own body tensed, fearful, uncertain, vulnerable and acutely aware -- although we felt safer outside, the risk was all around us.

Fortunately, I'd grabbed my cell phone as we went outside. As the phone lines were congested, we only were able to get a text from Shakun some 30 minutes after the earthquake. She was still in Boudhanath, where she'd gone for a meeting, saying that she was safe, but worried about us. I tried to call her back, but it took quite some time for the phone lines to clear to even send her a text.

We stayed out for a few minutes, looking deeply at each other, then when we felt that we could be safe, we came back in.

"Everyone in the tv room together," I emphasized, "and let's open the doors and windows there", as we settled down calmly without any noticeable aftershocks. I shifted the couch so that a quick exit would be possible into the backyard, and left the glass window by the stream wide open for an alternative escape route.

After we felt safer in the house, I went upstairs to google 'Latest Earthquake' and found a USG website that updates earthquakes of all sizes and shapes in real time. I learned then that we'd just felt the ripples of a 6.8 in Sikkim, a 150 miles east of Kathmandu.

All I could think was that if it had been slightly larger, slightly closer, knowing that the Richter is an exponential scale so that a 7.0 earthquake is 30 times more powerful than a 6.0 earthquake, there would have been suffering on an unimaginable scale in this petite, congested, once sacred valley.

When Leah came upstairs to find me, we gathered our passports, our most important document file, some financial information and a box of energy bars I'd left on the bookshelf that we stuffed these into a black 'Go' bag. Leah put her small reading flashlights in the bag, too.

While I looked around for other important papers, Leah disappeared downstairs again. When I turned around, she had a dozen cans of tuna fish and a plastic bottle of water in her arms that she'd brought from our kitchen storage room. She smiled sheepishly. "We need to get more, too!", she said as she dropped these in our Go bag.

Later, when speaking with Sue, who lives w/ Karma and Pia, she said that from their eyrie terrace, a few hundred meters east of us, where the hill rises much more steeply and quickly, when the earthquake struck at 6:28 pm, they could immediately hear the fearful cries and screams of the people living in the crowded concrete homes below them.

I do know one thing now: this near-helplessness is a feeling that won't go away soon, possibly ever... most likely never...

A Letter Advising Against the Close of the LS Elementary School Student Council

Dear Board Colleagues,

I don't know if I'm the first parent to use the Board email this year, but it's always good to know that we can communicate, on occasion, by this email address.

I write today to express my surprise to learn that some of the traditional, democratic Elementary School student self-governance has been removed this year. Correct me if I'm wrong, but as far as I know, this policy change wasn't communicated or discussed with either the parents or the students previously. I only heard last week that the LS student governance was eliminated and, from what I was told, the children were informed when they personally asked about it -- not beforehand.

Actually, I cannot see the logic of eliminating a long-term, well-established student-managed institution within Lincoln. I have heard from the ES principal (with whom I have been in valuable communication about this change) that the Student Councils have been removed in a new effort to 'invite ALL students to step into leadership positions'. Of course, we all definitely want every child to actualize their leadership potential while at LS -- but I don't believe that necessitate closing the effective and valuable participatory student governance at Lincoln.

In fact, I think by removing or disenfranchising the elected/selected student representatives, possibly unintentionally, Lincoln is giving a message to the Elementary students that their collective voice is no longer desired or required within the internal management of the school. Simply by trying to encourage ALL students to find the leader w/in themselves doesn't replace hard-earned democratic institutions -- at any level of society.

As many of you know, Nepal has been struggling to give a democratic voice to its people. The past twenty+ years has been an impressive lesson in local governance, community organization, the risks of ideology, the fragility of democratic institutions and the need for people's participation. Nepalis have come to the conclusion that the answer is not to remove people's elected representation (even as both extremists from both right and left have tried...), but to strengthen and revitalize these essential institutions.

Similarly, we would wish all the individual LS parents to find the leader in themselves to assist LS, as well -- but the reality is that we have an elected Board to represent the parents. In this way, the LS Elementary, Middle and High School Student Councils are also democratic building blocks to future representation on elected adult institutions.

Such institutions are not, in and of themselves, as some have described, 'competitions' -- but the basis of building community cooperation, collaboration and cohesion. Therefore, the new Elementary School after-school activity, "Finding the Leader in Me" (FLM), cannot effectively replace the democratic structures of student representation. The 4-5 elementary students who have joined the innovative "FLM" will certainly benefit from this innovative activity, but they will not be able to serve as selected representatives for the +/- 100 students in the Elementary School.

In fact, by closing the democratically elected Student Councils, the LS Board and management may be mistakenly lessening opportunities to create and develop leadership among the Lincoln students.

Personally, as an ex-Board member and a parent who has seen two college-level children gain so much from LS over the years, I believe it would be wiser and more participatory to continue the well-established Student Council as a student leadership opportunity for at least a few more years, then jointly assess the value of this self-governance component of an LS eduction and structure.

For now, it seems that this major policy decision may have been made w/o much input by either the students or the parents. Possibly parents were informed earlier, but, honestly, I don't recall that message. Nor do I know the role of the Board in this policy decision.

I hope that this important issue can be discussed more openly among the Board and parents, possibly at the next Board meeting as I respect the new directions the Board and administration are taking LS, but don't believe that removing the respected, democratic student government strengthens those strategic directions.

Thanks for listening. my best, Keith