such a strange feeling seeing the names of those we knew who have died already at the bottom of a list sent today by a high school friend...
i must be one of my jamesville-dewitt high school class who has been most distant from our 'community' having lived now in nepal since 1983 and out of the states since 1978.
still, it's such a painful feeling seeing the names of one's childhood's friends and acquaintances on a list of the deceased with years next to their names. the quantification of finality. each name full of a distant vitality. now deceased.
deceased... such a peculiar word. ceased. to have ceased. to be without breath. breathless in eternity. eased. eased into another reality. erased. erased from our current world. without form or consciousness. transformed. gone beyond. simply gone... without substance. beyond our familiar categories of either time or space. vanished. whoosh! the sound of the wind fluttering the prayer flags. the soundless sound. om.
even if i haven't seen or known the presence of these names in my life for over three decades, there's a momentary pause in reading their names, reciting the kaddish, offering an image in incense, swirling the memory of their faces around in my mind while recalling foggy, youthful impressions of our energetic lives together as willful teenagers in the oft-forgetten suburbs of dewitt, new york. i see some of them smile, or laugh or hurt w/ the innocence of high school love.
i think of the clarity by which death distinguishes our living presence from the memory of who we once were. a narrow, threatening, distrubing passage revealing a light filled empty joy that we will all join some day on the other side. a seeming final journey to the larger life from where we all came and shall almost effortlessly return.
but, in this human realm, close to the breath of life, the joys of parenthood & the blessings of the natural world around us, it seems a monastery of non-feeling, a winter chill on the warmth of life, a dark, mysterious cloud disturbing the sun.
i see these names, again, then remember our class photos with those awkward prepubescent smiles, slicked back hair and buttoned up shirts. not for the first time, i think that life is a tangled blue stream of super-8 film recording our joys and struggles, leaving us with the anchor of memory to honor the worlds we have all left behind.
behind. beyond. before. beneath. be true.
beguiling us with the pace at which the past becomes the present in our minds. how else to bring our childhood back to our adulthood?
sing the song of those who were once with us and have fled already to the skies in search of their spiritual abode above this world of dreams & shadow. shadow and dreams.
shanti shalom om!!!
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Monday, May 21, 2007
Badmiton with Ms. Leah Prajna Rose on a Sunday Afternoon
tis better, methinks, to play badminton w/ ms. leah as she & i did yesterday before it rained. she's a brilliant whacker. swinging wildly at any birdie that moves toward her, occasionally blasting the little bird over my head into the rivulet. well, at other times, flaying madly, like her parents, trying to hit the damn thing and, instead, falling down on the moist grass laughing outrageously to herself w/ a little girl's whimsy.
it's a little hard to take the game seriously when you're trying to smack a little white, feathery cone over a lowered net on bamboo posts in your backyard at a six year old girl, who happens to be your daughter. i mean, seriously!
then, she gets up again & blasts her racket at this minor orb while it falls passively at her feet. missed. ok, take this! and, she swings her smooth, thin arm high sweet chariot over her head, the birdie seconds from landing on her curls, when she miraculously whacks the birdie again sending her father in his boxers & a t-shirt (moi...) chasing the damn flying plastic projectile toward the sharp thorns of the bougainillea shrubs.
ok, sweetheart, my love, my undefiled, now it's business. as i take aim and fire the little cock back to her side of the net where she swings her oversize black racket and full of pluck, self-confidence & joie d'vivre twangs the bouncing birdie back across the astonished net to me.
we almost go to four consecutive hits, which could have been a record -- if anyone were keeping track. but, instead, she starts to giggle, bundled up again in that infectious, irreverent, absolutely divine little girl's laughter and falls to the ground in rich, uninhibited, fullsome child's joy & child's play.
then the sky joins in the humor by opening its clouds to the flash of early monsoon lightening, the crack of thunder over shivapuri ridge behind us and the huge, himalayan drops of rain thudding down around us...
we run into the house to safety, home-made watermelon juice & gita's freshly baked cookies.
i ask you: is there a better way to spend the best part of a sunday afternoon in kathmandu?
it's a little hard to take the game seriously when you're trying to smack a little white, feathery cone over a lowered net on bamboo posts in your backyard at a six year old girl, who happens to be your daughter. i mean, seriously!
then, she gets up again & blasts her racket at this minor orb while it falls passively at her feet. missed. ok, take this! and, she swings her smooth, thin arm high sweet chariot over her head, the birdie seconds from landing on her curls, when she miraculously whacks the birdie again sending her father in his boxers & a t-shirt (moi...) chasing the damn flying plastic projectile toward the sharp thorns of the bougainillea shrubs.
ok, sweetheart, my love, my undefiled, now it's business. as i take aim and fire the little cock back to her side of the net where she swings her oversize black racket and full of pluck, self-confidence & joie d'vivre twangs the bouncing birdie back across the astonished net to me.
we almost go to four consecutive hits, which could have been a record -- if anyone were keeping track. but, instead, she starts to giggle, bundled up again in that infectious, irreverent, absolutely divine little girl's laughter and falls to the ground in rich, uninhibited, fullsome child's joy & child's play.
then the sky joins in the humor by opening its clouds to the flash of early monsoon lightening, the crack of thunder over shivapuri ridge behind us and the huge, himalayan drops of rain thudding down around us...
we run into the house to safety, home-made watermelon juice & gita's freshly baked cookies.
i ask you: is there a better way to spend the best part of a sunday afternoon in kathmandu?
Impressions of the Human Rights Environment in Dhanusha District, Nepal
As part of my work for UNDP and the National Human Rights Commission (NHRC) in Nepal, I travel at times to the districts to meet the NHRC staff working in isolated places, as well as take the opportunity to meet w/ the local community leaders and interest groups to better understand the situation of the country. Last week, with my interpreter, colleague & friend, Alok Tumbahangphey, we went down to Janakpur in Dhanusha district, right across from Bihar and the Indian border.
The tarai was, of course, steaming hot -- although our colleagues said that it had already reached 40 degrees a week before and had started cooling down due to the recent rains. If the weather had cooled, the social pressure hadn't, as it seemed, world of the 'Madesh' (as it is called by the people who live in this 'middle land' between the hills of Nepal and the great Gangetic plains of India) was full of tension, uncertainty & anxiety.
Clearly, the old world is dying and a new one yet to be born. The much-touted 'New Nepal' will be built from the forces and aspirations of Nepal's past. The long-repressed Madeshi communities will have a much larger influence in this new world, but before it is achieved, there will be more struggle, disappointment and, sadly, violence. Such is the reality of the Nepal in which we live today...
Below is a brief summary of my impressions of this latest trip outside the large island of Kathmandu...
********* ********* ********* **********
Janakpur is the intellectual heartland of the Maithali identity, as well as the Dhanusha district center. During this short visit to the tarai, recent changes were observable. Where past local leaders were primarily from the high caste ‘Pahadi’ (hill origin) elite, after the Madeshi Andolan earlier this year, there is a distinctly more radical, ethnocentric identity among the Madeshi communities challenging Nepal’s historical identity and the traditional governance framework. It appears that even larger changes may be ahead…
Part of the weakness of the current administration is due to the dissolution of the local government structure at the District Development Committee (DDC) and Village Development Committee (VDC) level, as these have not been replaced in five+ years. Therefore, rather than having elected local bodies with more diverse local Madeshi officials, local government, perforce, is staffed by mostly Pahadi government officials.
Consequently, the accelerating JTMM violence and broader MJF demands pose a growing risk to law & order. The settled Pahadis, including families who have called the tarai home for generations, feel vulnerable and threatened. Still, many civil society leaders from Pahadi and Madeshi communities went out of their way to reassure us that every effort is being made to reduce these growing communal tensions and threats in the district.
It appears that the CPN/M influence has diminished in Mithila districts since the start of the tarai Andolan 2006/2007. The senior CPN/M district cadre we met appeared less self-confident in their behavior while acutely more sensitive about their party’s true commitment to Madeshi issues and representation at a national level than the MJF cadre.
Many civil society as well district administration officials expressed their doubts that a reasonably ‘free & fair’ elections could be held -- even later in 2007. There is a palpable unease among community & government leaders that the current human rights environment could suddenly deteriorate in the coming months making it even more difficult to provide the security necessary to conduct CA elections by November 2007.
The CDO openly acknowledged the threatening environment for their civil servants. He confirmed that “the JTMM-JS had issued a threat to all GON staff of Pahadi descent to leave the district by the end of this Nepali.” Sitting with the district security forces, he noted that the GON has to provide more security to these government staff -- but there appeared some doubt that they could achieve this given the widely dispersed location of the GON staff assigned to Dhanusha. Although he downplayed the possibility of serious communal violence, the CDO admitted no one could say what might happen in the future.
Time, as usual, will have its say...
The tarai was, of course, steaming hot -- although our colleagues said that it had already reached 40 degrees a week before and had started cooling down due to the recent rains. If the weather had cooled, the social pressure hadn't, as it seemed, world of the 'Madesh' (as it is called by the people who live in this 'middle land' between the hills of Nepal and the great Gangetic plains of India) was full of tension, uncertainty & anxiety.
Clearly, the old world is dying and a new one yet to be born. The much-touted 'New Nepal' will be built from the forces and aspirations of Nepal's past. The long-repressed Madeshi communities will have a much larger influence in this new world, but before it is achieved, there will be more struggle, disappointment and, sadly, violence. Such is the reality of the Nepal in which we live today...
Below is a brief summary of my impressions of this latest trip outside the large island of Kathmandu...
********* ********* ********* **********
Janakpur is the intellectual heartland of the Maithali identity, as well as the Dhanusha district center. During this short visit to the tarai, recent changes were observable. Where past local leaders were primarily from the high caste ‘Pahadi’ (hill origin) elite, after the Madeshi Andolan earlier this year, there is a distinctly more radical, ethnocentric identity among the Madeshi communities challenging Nepal’s historical identity and the traditional governance framework. It appears that even larger changes may be ahead…
Part of the weakness of the current administration is due to the dissolution of the local government structure at the District Development Committee (DDC) and Village Development Committee (VDC) level, as these have not been replaced in five+ years. Therefore, rather than having elected local bodies with more diverse local Madeshi officials, local government, perforce, is staffed by mostly Pahadi government officials.
Consequently, the accelerating JTMM violence and broader MJF demands pose a growing risk to law & order. The settled Pahadis, including families who have called the tarai home for generations, feel vulnerable and threatened. Still, many civil society leaders from Pahadi and Madeshi communities went out of their way to reassure us that every effort is being made to reduce these growing communal tensions and threats in the district.
It appears that the CPN/M influence has diminished in Mithila districts since the start of the tarai Andolan 2006/2007. The senior CPN/M district cadre we met appeared less self-confident in their behavior while acutely more sensitive about their party’s true commitment to Madeshi issues and representation at a national level than the MJF cadre.
Many civil society as well district administration officials expressed their doubts that a reasonably ‘free & fair’ elections could be held -- even later in 2007. There is a palpable unease among community & government leaders that the current human rights environment could suddenly deteriorate in the coming months making it even more difficult to provide the security necessary to conduct CA elections by November 2007.
The CDO openly acknowledged the threatening environment for their civil servants. He confirmed that “the JTMM-JS had issued a threat to all GON staff of Pahadi descent to leave the district by the end of this Nepali.” Sitting with the district security forces, he noted that the GON has to provide more security to these government staff -- but there appeared some doubt that they could achieve this given the widely dispersed location of the GON staff assigned to Dhanusha. Although he downplayed the possibility of serious communal violence, the CDO admitted no one could say what might happen in the future.
Time, as usual, will have its say...
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