Sunday, October 7, 2012

Ez Writing to the Future Ezra on Family Life after Watching "The Namesake" as Josh is About to Leave for NMH at the End of the Summer 2007


To the Hill
Ezra Leslie
July 2007
                        The credits rolled down the screen listing the customary names and positions of the hundreds, if not thousands, of people involved in making the film -- it struck Ezra that ‘credits’ were the perfect visage for an unassuming, simple observance that in reality laid the framework for a calculated, complex ceremony whose purpose was to make the viewer feel splendidly insignificant and incompetent. It was getting late and his homework wasn’t finished. As it was unfinished homework made him feel incompetent (and that was on regular days) the movie only added to his sudden guilty pang of grand incompetence. He sprang up from the old Thai triangular pillow he had been lying on, compelled by his sudden pang of guilt. His parents, his brother, and his baby sister (all of whom had been watching the movie) were still hypnotically glued to the credits -- reflecting on the movie, their musings, the day, thingsthatbabiesthinkabout, dinner (possibly), lunch (maybe), breakfast (probably not).

            The movie’s end panicked him a little; it reminded him of his unfinished work, but now that he had walked over to the computer, calculated the work that needed to be done (and the time he had to get it done), and began composing an email to his ‘future-self’ he felt much more composed. Outside he could hear the light patter of rain falling on the house; these light drizzles were the pebbles that signaled the avalanche of monsoon that engulfed the Himalayan Kingdom every summer. Things would never the same. He peered over the computer and saw that the rest of his family had finally broken free from the hypnotic effects of rolling credits; his father, Keith, his mother, Shakun, and his baby sister, Leah, were now dancing to the Indian-themed music -- he couldn’t help smiling. He glanced over to his (also smiling) brother, Joshua, they caught each others eye, and smiled uncontrollably.

            He was in control now. The work would get done. In fact, now that he thought about it, he had made the right choice to watch the movie with the family. It was what his father wanted, with his brother, Joshua, preparing to go to boarding school in a couple of months, at this point every moment spent together was treasured by his parents (still dancing). He began his email:

Hey future Ez,
just try not to think about how dad was dancing around in the TV room yesterday...haha anyways i’m tired i’ve got to do some stuff so i’m gonna bounce...but just remember you’re probably gonna have some work to do cuz i didn’t do it okay? anyways just do what i don’t...
catch you on the flipsyde...

            He smiled at the thought of his future-self and decided, as a memento to the film, to sign the email: Googol Ganguly. Then he clicked ‘Send,’ said goodnight to Mum, Dad, Josher, and Leah Loo, stumbled down to his bedroom, pulled out his unfinished work, and, with the dying image of his parents and little sister dancing to movie credits, fell fast asleep.

            The book was better, Jhumpa Lahiri’s The Namesake, but it was a wonderful movie nonetheless. The movie had struck close to home tonight, Keith Leslie thought, although his own life had been the story in reverse. He had come from the West (the Land of the Free, Big Stick Democracy, Hamburgers, Home of the Brave) to explore the east (deep seated history, spicy food, governments steeped in monarchy). However, the protagonist, Gogol Ganguly, displayed the same confused idealism and youthfulness that had propelled him to his life here on this six-thousand foot ridge overlooking the Kathmandu Valley. It had given him this life with his wonderful wife (now putting the youngest to bed), his three awe-inspiring children, an amazing home, and of course the garden; reminding him that it was the perfect time to revel in the beauty of the garden. He slipped quietly downstairs and glanced into Ezra’s room -- he had fallen asleep books and papers scattered around him, one was resting lightly on his chin. Keith gently pulled it off, laid it beside him, turned off the lights and headed for the backdoor.

            The door was already locked and in the darkness he fumbled with the latch locks. Finally, he was rewarded by the distinct “kathunk!” of freedom. He pulled on the door handle, pushed the gauze screen wide open, and took a deep breath as he escaped into the peaceful serenity and bounty of nature. The light drizzle blanketed him in a soft cooling rain when the warm glow of lights turned on revealing the exquisitely fragile and beautiful garden, a delicate expanse of green existence.

            Shekhar, the Nepali gardener/guard who had been outside, heard the screen door opening, turned on the lights, and came over, “Namaste, Sir.” It was always a pleasure to walk in the garden with Sahib, together they had helped nurture and build this garden. He had been with the Leslies for over fifteen years now -- he knew that Sahib understood the true beauty of the garden. If everything went ahead as planned though, he would be leaving the Leslies in a few months time to serve manual labor in the Middle East. Although nothing could beat the working conditions here with the Leslies, the Western salary would help earn money -- he wasn’t getting younger.

            Together in mutual silence and respect they walked along the bank of the brook that runs alongside the ten ropanis (acre)  of property that Keith had bought with Shakun twenty years ago. The house, built seven years ago, represented how far he had come since he arrived in this Himalayan Kingdom, a simple Amherst graduate from Upstate New York who left America seeking enlightenment, but never came back. Leah was born into this house, Josh and Ezra had grown from boys into men here, and even he had gone into his fifties in this house.

            Shekhar was now kneeling over the bank, the moonlight shining upon his short and thin, but strong, frame as he peered into the cool, flowing water. “Aunus, Sahib,” he said pointing into the water. Keith walked over and gazed at the ten-inch river crabs digging up the streambed. They both gazed on in wonder at the richness of life that thrived around them. After several minutes of wandering thoughts and gazing at the crabs, Keith glanced up, Shekhar had already walked on ahead. Standing underneath the willow tree that swayed slowly under the patter of rain, amidst the otherwise humid spring night, they both turned towards the wire fence (many years since covered in vines, ivies, and plants) at the sound of leaves crunching.

            A horse had wandered over to the fence from nearby grazing pastures to eat at the other side of the property fence. “We must all leave our own grazing pastures at some point,” Keith mused thinking back on his own travels away from the West, Gogol’s less physical (more emotional) departure from his past, and Joshua’s imminent geographic departure halfway across the world to a boarding school in Northfield, Massachusetts (of all places). At the thought he felt a deep remorse rise up in his throat, feeling the physical and emotional distance that would soon separate him from his son. Knowing his two sons it would probably be Ezra leaving next year. “It is funny,” he thought, “I spend the majority of my adult life worlds away from my own parents, and now I feel the pain of a parent as Josh prepares to spread his wings.” He knew it was for the best though, the type of opportunities lay in wait for his son that students at their International school in Kathmandu could only dream of.

            Shekhar and Keith now had slowly made their way along the fence (they let the horse graze) around the stream, across the pond, and into the front yard. The maple tree they had smuggled over from America ten years ago was thriving. It was a wonder to observe the often arbitrary nature of survival for the plants -- some survived, some didn’t -- this maple was already nearly ten feet tall. He stepped forward, the moonlight suddenly revealing the intricate intertwined gossamer web of a spider spun throughout the limbs of the maple. “Hopefully, the spider is more of a Charlotte than a Shelob”, he thought as he smiled to himself.

            What was this Northfield Mount Hermon? This mystical hill ten thousand miles from Kathmandu, this self-professed educational institution of “the head, the heart, and the hand.” What webs would Joshua spin for himself at Mount Hermon, where would they lead him to? These questions rolled through Keith’s mind like the credits at the end of the film making him feel strangely insignificant and incompetent. There was really no way of knowing what his experience would be like in Massachusetts, but whatever happened Keith knew that few kids had grown up in the cosmopolitan, worldly setting that Kathmandu had offered Josh and Ezra (Leah still had time).

            The rain was beginning to fall in larger and more concentrated flurries now, it would soon be time to go in. It must already be 1 am in the morning, but there was one last stop he would have to make. Shekhar had already gotten there. Just beyond the maple, across the other side of the property, lay the bamboo grove. Keith’s love for bamboo encapsulated his passion for his children -- wonder, awe, and immense pride. No stroll in the garden was complete without contemplating the beauty of at least a couple of the forty some-odd bamboo species on their property. Particularly in the spring, as it was now, they were rewarded by the multi-inch sprouting and growth of bamboo’ tusas’ (shoots) daily. Their powers of growth never ceased to amaze him. Together, Shekhar and Keith, caressingly removed the fallen leaves from the roots of the bamboo unearthing new ‘tusas’ and revealing growing ones.

            Keith sighed looking up at the house, the TV light (forgotten to be turned off) still glowing through the window, “Never again will they be the tusas they once were.”  The rain was pouring now -- it was time to go in, he turned to his companion “Namaste, Shekhar.”  “Namaste, Saab,” Shekhar called out, already disappearing off in search of shelter.

            Inside, the house was quiet -- everybody was asleep and staying put, although not for long. Quietly, Keith closed the screen door closing his garden palace behind him. He tiptoed slowly upstairs where Leah had fallen fast asleep in Shakun’s arms (or the other way around, he never could quite tell). The TV and computer were still on, gently bathing their features in the day’s activities.

            Keith silently turned off the TV and sat down at the computer, peering over the top smiling at his daughter and wife softly dozing in each other’s warm embrace; his smile grew as he saw Ezra’s habitual email to his “future-self” in the Outbox. Slipping on his glasses he prepared an email to his son:
           
        “hey, future once, now past easy ez, what's cooking?  ya missed a splendid stroll in the midnight garden w/ sheks et moi.  great visuals of ten inch crabs digging up the stream bed, a horse out the fence munching on the grass, magnificent gossamer charlotte's webs on the maple tree, the massive tusa coming up in the bamboo groves and the drizzle becoming a slight downpour telling us it was time to turn in.  i know it's no comparison to chemistry or mystic literature... but what's an olde guy to do when he doesn't have classes anymore... just go out and watch the natural world do its amazing thing...  have a lovely morning, son.  love you, you know, your once and future dad."

            Outside, the rain fell unabatedly on the ten inch crabs digging into the river bed, on the horse grazing away from its pastures, on Charlotte spinning her webs, on the ‘tusas’ growing without respite, on Shekhar dreaming in his room, on the young and the old, on the awake and the sleeping, on the staying and the going. 

Friday, September 28, 2012

Devi Leiper Does Development

Devi asked me to write a new post specifically mentioning her by name.  It seems, as she told me, that if you Google 'Devi Leiper', the first mention that shows up is my earlier post from the summer of 2011 when we attended her bucolic wedding to Derek in a Colorado State Park.

Personally, of course, I was chuffed!  Hey, a #1 Google hit from my Bambuddhism blog!  When I can't find a way into the publishing world for the longer pieces I write, Google honors my deep Leiper connection with a #1 for Devi's wedding.  What's there not to like, I asked?

Well, it seems that Devi's professional world warrants at least as much attention as her marital one.  Fair enough, I suppose.  Although no matter what professional role our dearly beloved Devi takes on during her life, her marriage and those she loves will always serve as a better totem of her existence here on earth, methinks.

Still, sweet Devi of the lowlands (Cambodia, now...) asked for a new post and how could I say no to the oldest daughter of my life-long best friend?

For me, actually, as these years sail forward, one of the previously unfamiliar joys is the 'getting to know' the children of the parents we have grown up with and loved along the way.  I remember decades ago saying that to my dear friend, Davis Baltz, when we were younger then than now.  How we tried to peer darkly ahead to a day when we could have children of our own who would wander the world, like we did, bringing back riches of stories, fragrances and friendships.

Ahh, 'Ithaka'...  the poet Cavafy always appears at such moments... to remind us...

So when Devi told us a month ago that she'd be in Kathmandu for a conference for her global women's initiative, we immediately offered her our home for as many days as she could spare us in between her critical conferencing among her colleagues.  In fact, we were so excited, we even cleaned up Ezra's old room (since he's taken over Joshua's bigger room...) so that it wasn't still pre-occupied by the haphazard collection of boxes and books -- the flotsam and jetsam -- of our lives.

I'd actually asked Ezi to do the deed before Devi arrived from Bangkok on a Sunday Thai flight, which he did in inimitable Ezi-style: thoughtfully, conscientiously, carefully, and ever so slowly.  So the day before Devi's imminent arrival, I asked Gita if she could help.  Whoosh!  Within an hour, she and Laxmi had moved everything toute suite to the storage room by the garage.  No fuss, no mess.  No Proustian reflections for them that each paper and object had educed from Ezi's sentimental memories.

Attachments...  the sinews of our emotional life; the way even the slightest of tokens can send us off in hours of recall and deeper appreciation of the experiences of our individual lives...

Can a dear friend's child be such an emotional attachment, as well?  The cause for so much inner thought travel back along the trails of our earlier days and lives?


"The places we have known do not belong only to the world of space on which we map them for our own convenience. They were only a thin slice, held between the contiguous impressions that composed our life at that time; the memory of a particular image is but regret for a particular moment; and houses, roads, avenues are as fugitive, alas, as the years."          

Marcel Proust,  'Swann's Way'


While Devi contemplates the world of international development, the joys, passions and anxieties of working on issues of social importance through organizations and individuals who she can never really deeply know,  I am absorbed in the mere joy of having my best friend's daughter here in our home, among us, a message in a bottle from the life I lived with her father for so many years.

Development is important: sans doubt!  The lives of those who benefit from our good will and hard work around the world.  Good deeds compounded.  Education, public health, micro-loans, equality, representation, leadership skills et al.  The global indicators of well-being and wealth in a world where  actual sharing comes with such reluctance.

But I can't see development issues within Devi while sitting over dinner and a glass of chilled white wine with Ezi, Shakun and little Leah in our Licchavi Grove home.  It's quiet in the evening here above the politics and rancor of Kathmandu.  Only the occasional owlet cries in the forested darkness.  I listen and observe this lovely, caring young woman, a beautiful blend of her American and Cambodian parents, a tussle between her desire to do good and yet live sincerely.

I hear her honest, struggling thoughts on the uncertainties and deceptions that envelop international aid.  Her late-20s search for meaning.  Her wounded innocence and heartfelt desire to bring integrity to her work.  She stands in front of the leather-bound books by the dining table, asking aloud if she could find more tactile, fulfilling work away from the necessary mediocrities and compromises of the development business.  Working with her hands, handling literature, creating beauty, dark velum in her hands instead of carefully nuanced and slightly overstated monthly activity reports.

Devi looks up from her food, her eyes questioning, her thoughts pure but aching.  Life's mixed and uncertain ambitions before her.  The modest slights and mental equivalences living in the world of a weighty bureaucracy where the most ambitious often succeed and thrive best.  Their questionable motivations and morality often praised from outside, but revealed more truly from within.  The office deceptions and decisions that slowly water-board a good and sincere soul.


“Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart. The really great men must, I think, have great sadness on earth.” 


Fyodor Dostoyevsky, "Crime and Punishment"


These are the years when our young must learn to face an adult world that their school books never quite completely described.  Where the motivations of the gentle observe the harsher truths of society.  Where one learns an unexpected strength to continue to work though human institutions or chose to step quietly aside to find a truth in family or trade or independence that can never be gained through official work, no matter how noble and high-minded the rhetoric.

This is the Google of the darker places.  The difficult choices that test our resilience and our strength.  No longer the grace and light of a youthful marriage on an open grassy plain to another caring soul surrounded by beloved family and friends.

This is the Bambuddhism of greater honesty and pain where a friend's daughter is tested more than she wishes and more than one wants to observe.

This is the courage of an individual who one loves, yet cannot fully protect.

This is not a #1 Google hit, but life's hits that define and etch our humanity, our loyalties and our deepest affections.

This is why we love you, Devi, dear.

And wait patiently for you and Derek to return to share our Budhnilkantha home, where, if we listen carefully, the owlets cry at night for our souls.










Sunday, September 23, 2012

I Was, I Am, I Will Be


I Was, I Am, I Will Be 

                                                      By Leah P. R. Leslie
                                                             11 years old


I was a second in a day waiting for a minute
To pass by but instead there were just seconds
I am time but I am never noticed until
I am gone
I give and I take till there is no more to take
I will be a dark dream waiting to be freed
I sit and wait
Occasionally hearing a baby crying
But one day you won’t hear that no more
I am death and life itself
Just waiting for a life to grasp
Every time I take I give
Some days there is nothing
To take
Or
Give
I was a second in a day waiting for a minute
But that minute of happiness never came.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Wisdom Dialogue from Classic Films (1948-75)


Wisdom Dialogue from Classic Films (1948-75)


A Hard Day's Night  (1964)             The Beatles/Richard Lester

Man on train: Don't take that tone with me, young man. I fought the war for your sort. 
Ringo: I bet you're sorry you won.

John: We know how to behave! We've had lessons. 


Catch 22   (1970)                    Mike Nichols, director

A bombardier in World War II tries desperately to escape the insanity of the war. However, sometimes insanity is the only sane way cope with a crazy situation. Catch-22 is a parody of a "military mentality" and of a bureaucratic society in general.

Yossarian: Let me see if I've got this straight: in order to be grounded, I've got to be crazy and I must be crazy to keep flying. But if I ask to be grounded, that means I'm not crazy any more and I have to keep flying.
Dr. 'Doc' Daneeka: You got it, that's Catch-22. 
Yossarian: Whoo... That's some catch, that Catch-22. 
Dr. 'Doc' Daneeka: It's the best there is. 

1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder: We're gonna come out of this war rich! 
Yossarian: You're gonna come out rich. We're gonna come out dead.

Maj. Major Major Major: Also, Sergeant, I don't want you coming in while I'm in my office asking me if there's anything you can do for me. Is that clear? 
First Sgt. Towser: Yes, sir. When should I come in your office and ask if there's anything I can do for you? 
Maj. Major Major Major: When I'm not there. 
First Sgt. Towser: What do I do then? 
Maj. Major Major Major: Whatever has to be done. 
First Sgt. Towser: Yes, sir.  


Dr. Strangelove   (1964)        Stanley Kubrick

President Merkin Muffley: Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room. 

[Turgidson advocates a further nuclear attack to prevent a Soviet response to Ripper's attack]
General "Buck" Turgidson: Mr. President, we are rapidly approaching a moment of truth both for ourselves as human beings and for the life of our nation. Now, truth is not always a pleasant thing. But it is necessary now to make a choice, to choose between two admittedly regrettable, but nevertheless *distinguishable*, postwar environments: one where you got twenty million people killed, and the other where you got a hundred and fifty million people killed.
President Merkin Muffley: You're talking about mass murder, General, not war!
General "Buck" Turgidson: Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed. But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops. Uh, depending on the breaks.

Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Colonel... that Coca-Cola machine. I want you to shoot the lock off it. There may be some change in there.
Colonel "Bat" Guano: That's private property.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Colonel! Can you possibly imagine what is going to happen to you, your frame, outlook, way of life, and everything, when they learn that you have obstructed a telephone call to the President of the United States? Can you imagine? Shoot it off! Shoot! With a gun! That's what the bullets are for, you twit!
Colonel "Bat" Guano: Okay. I'm gonna get your money for ya. But if you don't get the President of the United States on that phone, you know what's gonna happen to you?
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: What?
Colonel "Bat" Guano: You're gonna have to answer to the Coca-Cola company.

[after learning of the Doomsday Machine]
President Merkin Muffley: But this is absolute madness, Ambassador! Why should you *build* such a thing?
Ambassador de Sadesky: There were those of us who fought against it, but in the end we could not keep up with the expense involved in the arms race, the space race, and the peace race. At the same time our people grumbled for more nylons and washing machines. Our doomsday scheme cost us just a small fraction of what we had been spending on defense in a single year. The deciding factor was when we learned that your country was working along similar lines, and we were afraid of a doomsday gap.
President Merkin Muffley: This is preposterous. I've never approved of anything like that.
Ambassador de Sadesky: Our source was the New York Times. 
                   

Dr. Zhivago  (1965)                David Lean

Komarovski: There are two kinds of men and only two. And that young man is one kind. He is high-minded. He is pure. He's the kind of man the world pretends to look up to, and in fact despises.

Zhivago: You lay life on a table and cut out all the tumors of injustice. Marvelous. 

Pasha: The private life is dead - for a man with any manhood. 
Zhivago: I saw some of your 'manhood' on the way at a place called Minsk. 
Pasha: They were selling horses to the Whites. 
Zhivago: It seems you've burnt the wrong village. 
Pasha: They always say that, and what does it matter? A village betrays us, a village is burned. The point's made. 
Zhivago: Your point - their village. 


La Strada  (1954)                    Fellini

Fellini's "La Strada" is memorable, atmospheric, entertaining, thoughtful, and many other things. It is often sad, not even so much because of the things that happen, but simply for what it reveals about the human condition. It is sometimes surreal, not in a bizarre visual sense, but in the unexpected combinations of emotions that it sometimes evokes. And it is always human, commenting on individuals and humanity as a whole with a keen eye and with cinematic skill.

The Fool: Maybe he loves you?
Gelsomina: Me?
The Fool: Why not? He is like dogs. A dog looks at you, wants to talk, and only barks. 

The Fool: What a funny face! Are you a woman, really? Or an artichoke? 

The Fool: I am ignorant, but I read books. You won't believe it, everything is useful... this pebble for instance.
Gelsomina: Which one?
The Fool: Anyone. It is useful.
Gelsomina: What for?
The Fool: For... I don't know. If I knew I'd be the Almighty, who knows all. When you are born and when you die... Who knows? I don't know for what this pebble is useful but it must be useful. For if its useless, everything is useless. So are the stars! 


Lawrence of Arabia  (1962)    David Lean

General Allenby: I thought I was a hard man, sir. 
Prince Feisal: You are merely a general. I must be a king. 

General Murray: I can't make out whether you're bloody bad-mannered or just half-witted. 
T.E. Lawrence: I have the same problem, sir.

General Allenby: I'm promoting you Major. 
T.E. Lawrence: I don't think that's a very good idea. 

Tafas: [talking of Britain] Is that a desert country? 
T.E. Lawrence: No: a fat country. Fat people. 
Tafas: You are not fat? 
T.E. Lawrence: No. I'm different.

Mr. Dryden: If we've been telling lies, you've been telling half-lies. A man who tells lies, like me, merely hides the truth. But a man who tells half-lies has forgotten where he put it. 

Prince Feisal: You, I suspect, are chief architect of this compromise. What do you think? 
Mr. Dryden: Me, your Highness? On the whole, I wish I'd stayed in Tunbridge Wells. 

Mr. Dryden: [to Bentley, on a meeting between Lawrence and Allenby] Well, I'll tell you. It's a little clash of temperament that's going on in there. Inevitably, one of them's half-mad - and the other, wholly unscrupulous.


One Flew Over the Cukoo's Nest  (1975)     Milos Forman

McMurphy: I must be crazy to be in a loony bin like this. 

McMurphy: What do you think you are, for Chrissake, crazy or somethin'? Well you're not! You're not! You're no crazier than the average asshole out walkin' around on the streets and that's it. 

Cheswick: Rules? PISS ON YOUR FUCKING RULES! 

McMurphy: But I tried, didn't I? Goddamnit, at least I did that. 

McMurphy: I can't take it no more. I gotta get outta here. 
Chief Bromden: I can't. I just can't. 
McMurphy: It's easier than you think, Chief. 
Chief Bromden: For you, maybe. You're a lot bigger than me. 

Chief Bromden: My pop was real big. He did like he pleased. That's why everybody worked on him. The last time I seen my father, he was blind and diseased from drinking. And every time he put the bottle to his mouth, he didn't suck out of it, it sucked out of him until he shrunk so wrinkled and yellow even the dogs didn't know him. 
McMurphy: Killed him, huh? 
Chief Bromden: I'm not saying they killed him. They just worked on him. The way they're working on you. 


Sunset Boulevard  (1950)           Billie Wilder

Joe Gillis: [narrating] Well, this is where you came in, back at that pool again, the one I always wanted. It's dawn now and they must have photographed me a thousand times. Then they got a couple of pruning hooks from the garden and fished me out... ever so gently. Funny, how gentle people get with you once you're dead. 

Betty Schaefer: I've been hoping to run into you.
Joe Gillis: What for? To recover that knife you stuck in my back?

Joe Gillis: You're Norma Desmond. You used to be in silent pictures. You used to be big.
Norma Desmond: I am big. It's the pictures that got small.

Norma Desmond: [to newsreel camera]  You see, this is my life! It always will be! Nothing else! Just us, the cameras, and those wonderful people out there in the dark!... All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up. 


The Treasure of Sierra Madre  (1948)        John Huston

Howard: I know what gold does to men's souls. 

Howard: Ah, as long as there's no find, the noble brotherhood will last but when the piles of gold begin to grow... that's when the trouble starts. 

Fred C. Dobbs: You know, if I was a native, I'd get me a can of shoe polish and I'd be in business. They'd never let a gringo. You can sit on a bench 'til you're three-quarters starved... you can beg from another gringo... you can even commit burglary. You try shinin' shoes in the street, peddlin' lemonade out of a bucket, and your hash is settled. You'll never get another job from an American.
Bob Curtin: Yeah, and the natives would hound and pester you to death.
Fred C. Dobbs: Some town to be broke in.
Bob Curtain: What town isn't? 



Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Rosh HaShonah 5773 (2012)

Dear Beloved Family, 

Although I may not have been a very good Jewish father or role model over the years, there still is within me a strong, abiding attachment to this ancient religion, its teachings and the spiritual longing that they inculcate within the soul.  No matter these many decades living in the land of Vishnu and the Buddha, with all the regard and respect I have for these divinities and their teachings, my heart is still drawn to the words of the Hebrew Torah and its prophets.  

At this time of year, the start of the Jewish New Year, Rosh HaShonah, and the Day of Atonement (at-one-ment) on Yom Kippur a week later, always in September and October (like Desain and Tihar) those atavistic, religious longings reappear deep in my heart's core.  Curious, of course, having come so far away from the land and lessons of my forefathers, but there it is, the 'crie de couer' (cry of the heart) that comes, at times, when least expected.  

Who among us is to explain the longings and passions of the human soul?  Not me, certainly, possibly other teachers, gurus, rimpoches and rabbis.  Not me...

This is merely to say how much I love all of you, how my life has been dedicated to all of you since we first met in this world.  In many ways, long before we met, too, when the idea of you was so palpable and present in my thoughts as a younger man seeking my truth, my sustenance and my grounding.  You all, each in your own way, has given me so much to cherish and remember in this world.  My life would be so much emptier and lonelier without each of you.  In truth, you have not only given me my present, but my future and built upon my past.    

So, as we approach this most sacred time of the year for the Jewish people, people who carry the values, the history and the heritage of this unusual tradition, I want to share the message below, as it, too, speaks of the meaning of this sacred time of the year for each of us in our own lives, our personal growth and our simple devotion to family.

There are lessons to be found everywhere in the world, echoes and reflections from the quiet of the evening sky, the dew in the morning, the afternoon light sparkling off moving water.  As Joshu knows, this pantheistic nature of the world calls profoundly to each of us.  

And yet, only the human voice can put words on paper or in the air to reach out and communicate more complex and tender thoughts.  Nature can free our souls, but cannot always explain to us how best to live with our neighbors, or friends, or loved ones.  For that, at times, we turn to those wiser and calmer voices who know the depth of our struggle as human beings, our hurts, our vulnerabilities, our wounds, our hopes.  

We need, at times, those voices who teach us to forgive, both others as well as ourselves.  Those who know the words of peace, not only among nations -- but among individuals, family and cultures.  Those sage voices who seek to heal the world person by person, friend to friend, neighbor to neighbor, husband to wife, wife to husband, brother to brother, colleague to colleague, father to son, son to father, other to me, me to the other... in all the binary relationships we have created in this world.  

As a rabbinic commentary for the sacred time of deep reflection during this new year states: 

"We direct the search-light of scrutiny upon ourselves -- rather than focusing it on the shortcomings of others.  We do the intensely personal work required on Yom Kippur without being distracted... since changing the way we regard and speak to one another is a prerequisite to changing society and the world."

I simply wanted to take a moment to wish you all a Happy Jewish New Year, as there are never enough new year celebrations in any year for all of us.  

We are fortunate in Nepal to celebrate many new year blessings -- the Nepali, the Newari, the Tibetan, the Tamang, the Tharu, the Western -- for each day in our brief lives that the sun rises anew, afresh, alive, above, again offers us each opportunities for thankfulness, forgiveness and the offering of love.  

your husband/father/friend/colleague/me

Friday, September 7, 2012

Geoffrey's Death



“All of this talk about holiness must be the start of the latest style.  Is it all books and words or do you really feel it, do you really feel it…”

Joni Mitchell, ‘Woman of Heart and Mind’



to a friend...


your deep, passionate, honest and revealing voice is so rare and rich and wondrous that it should be speaking at the conference on pilgrimage i will be attending, as well as at both the democratic and republican conventions, so that the american people can open their hearts and energies to the wealth of a world they see too often anxiously and antagonistically.  

your writing flows with an abundance and care and concern and energy that could power the lights of kathmandu if they would ever let women take charge of their bureaucratic and self-serving ministries.  your mind embraces all in your tantric way, taking in the higher elements and the earthen soil  in ways that mystify and purify our own actions-reactions-reflections.  i love it.  

alas, i am so sorry to hear about the passing/death of your dear musician friend.  i saw the news on emil's FB and immediately googled him, as i knew that he was a brother spirit to the soul of our dear friend.  of course, immediately, that gentle Vedic, melodic spirit emanated from his website with that balinese staircase to heaven greeting the first time visitor.  

there, the tropical nature g-ds implicit in our love of the garden of bounty and botany around us.  the recognition of a path that can carry us higher to visions of release, rejuvenation and restoration.  some of the pure agnostic, non-deistic visions of the spiritual world that have drawn us to the wealth of asia and kept us here over time.

yes, you, as well, more than most, are drawn to the shaivite world of pashupati and the cremation grounds from where the frail spirit is released.  it's a powerful ground of being, sans doubt, not for the meek or weak in mind or spirit.  maybe too strong and elemental for me in some ways.  

for it has its rough edge that tears away the complacency and quietude of the modern religious world, the secular theologians, protestants and reform jews, who prefer to deal with the social and political ambitions of man, not the darker currents of blood, lusts and decay that we have passed on to the darwinians and freudians of our recent century.  

yet there is power in these dark, elemental, sacred places.  we feel that.  the 'spiritum tremendum' of deeper energies, unseen forces and raw connection.  no images or names or academic rituals need to be conjured to know that the spirit lies sanctified in those stones and soil and substance.  

i felt it at vajra yogini the first time i visited on the edge of the kathmandu valley and in the cave under the dome of the rock on jerusalem's ancient and sacrificial hillock.  

whether we are pulled to these places of divinity b/c there is something originally in the land that ties our frail coils to the earth or there has accrued the ancient authority from our frail aspirations, i cannot say.  

but for those with their hearts in their heads and their minds in their blessed murtis, they know.  

simply know.  

i am sure it was good to go to such a site for geoffrey's passing.  death is the final ritual in this world.  there are no words, only actions and even those are manifestations of the inner connections that protect us, embrace us, guide us, soothe us as our lives swiftly course down the river of life.

for that, we also sit profoundly at the feet of aural muses, like beloved joni, who express so poetically and musically (like your friend geoffrey...) the deepest truths of our dreams, our loves, our lives...

oh, death, you inspire us as you destroy us...  

as life fulfills us as it leaves us...