A Son's Cry of the Heart to His Parents

Hey Mum & Dad,

I know we had an interesting conversation last Saturday, and knowing my loving parents, i am sure that you are a little-bit worried about my state of mind. Everything, well at least all that i can remember, was true. I feel very lonely here and i don't really understand what being American entails, and even though I am American there seem to be certain requirements that are needed in order to completely embrace or be embraced in this culture. Unfortunately, I lack and have no desire to embrace these ideals that is, in some ways, required in order to be fully accepted as an American instead of the kid who is a FOB (Fresh off the Boat).

Do not misunderstand me, I do love America, but the America I love is that from the view of a visitor. The large rocks at Yosemite, the serene downward flow of the waterfalls at Yellowstone, and the deep blue of Crater lake. I have been very fortunate in this lifetime to be able to see the country because of both your willingness to show us America; however, i am not American. I may not be Nepali either, i know that, but that is where I feel at home.

The idea of 'home' is a funny idea because it is a state of mind, and to say that a certain place is your home is to deny the force of human migration that has created our globalized world and allowed for dad to meet you mum.

Yet, I also believe in Aristotle's habituation theory, and that fact is that I have been habituated to believe that Nepal is my home. When I came to America, I told people my home is Nepal. When I went to boarding school, I told people my home is Nepal. When I came to college, my home remained as Nepal.

So what am I supposed to do? All i know is what i have told the world, and if I accept the possibility of America being my home then what becomes of the fact that I have stated, throughout my life, that Nepal is my home? It will have been a lie to the world and therefore myself, because, if you really love and believe in your home, then it becomes difficult to run away from it. And, to be honest, i have done enough running.

Furthermore, ever since I have been a kid, I have been told that I should graduate from high school then go to college, and that is what I have done. Actually, I feel that i have accomplished more than that, I have earned the right to go to one of the best schools in America. I have made sacrifices that I do not regret, going to NMH and repeating my 11th grade year. Yet, now I feel that I am making another sacrifice, the sacrifice of getting a college education instead of being in the place that I consider home trying to do something.

I miss you two, my parents, the people who make me feel comfortable for who i am and have accepted all the personas that i have taken up throughout my life (the confused little kid, the athlete in high school, the boarding school student, the stoner, and now, back to my roots, the confused college kid/teenager/adult), and i really appreciate it because you two, when many other parents would have said no, have supported me throughout my life.

But now, i don't know if i really want this anymore, i feel useless. Here i just study and party, but i don't really get to experience the life i want to live. Otherwise i really don't see the point of living, not in a depressing way, just in a matter-of-fact way. Because what is the point of staying in a country where i would make the most negligible amount of difference? That doesn't invigorate me, and neither does money, which seems to be the reason that most people come here to get their Georgetown degree. So what am i supposed to do, continue living for ideals that don't represent me? No. I refuse, and I know this might just be a phase but life is full of phases.

Also, there is the case of Leah, my beloved sister whom i never see but once or, if i am lucky, twice a year for maybe two/three months. What type of brother is that? I do not want to miss her childhood. I don't want to be someone who is just considered a brother because that is what she has been told.

How do you expect for someone to truly love another human being if they don't spend moments together, because, at the end of the day, all that a relationship between two people is, is the moments that have created together. It is the Aristotelian idea of habituation. Love can only be habituated through the creation of moments and memories.

I have lost my faith in the idea of love, not that it doesn't exist, but that our, or at least my, ideal it is wrong. It cannot just occur, there is no such thing as love at first sight, only habituated love that culminates in the use of the word "love" towards another human in order to encapsulate the memories and experiences that you have experience with each other.

I love you guys. I don't say that to many people, but to you, I mean it. And i know, sometimes i don't communicate, and it takes a little bit of a stimulant for me to open up, but that is because i don't feel a desire to connect without another person being in vicinity of my body and mind.

Anyway, i just wanted to write to you guys, so you didn't feel too worried and so my thoughts could have a semblance of clarity without the incoherence that is usually instituted through the use of alcohol.

Hope this helped,

Much love, -J

A Father's Response to a Son's Confusion

Dear Josh,

I'm at work, so can't be long, but just wanted to thank you for your openness and kindness in putting your heart out there in the web of cyberspace to connect w/ me and Mom! Sorry I had to run out yesterday, but a Dad has to do what a Dad has to do and, quite frankly (and with a tip of my hat to Aristotle and those wise ancients...), it was fun to take Ms. Leah to her art class and hang w/ her all morning at class, shopping and having lunch together. As you say, that's the cat's pajamas (depending on her mood, of course...).

And you ain't wrong about life's phases, as you work your way through them, you'll find out there are about as many as there are of the moon. You've gone through some of glife's most trying, endearing and important, but you ain't even half-way through yet, so enjoy the journey! As you note, you've done an exceptional job through the rough and tumble of childhood and youth as you now enter young adulthood. But, this, too, is a trying stage of glife -- at least it was for me, too, when I was your
age (and older, as I've noted...).

Finding one's profession, partner, life-long friends, home is all a demanding mix of growing up b/n 18 and 25. There are many first steps, mis-steps, halting steps and exuberant steps along the way. In a way, it's a testing time. You are forced into so many new situations, new people, new experiences all the while trying to keep your eyes on the prize while, at the same time, trying to figure out what that prize is for you and your glife. Ain't easy, my son, my friend...

Your longing for home, us, Leah, Nepal is all right and joyous and true. We are you as you are us and we are all together. (as the Beatles sang...) Even if we can't just jump into bed w/ each other all the time and pull the covers over our heads and wish that the big, wide world outside didn't exist. It's there, alright and full of riches and risks. Remember Cavafy's poem 'Ithaka'! It's the journey, man! The destination is the same for everyone, no matter where or how they live. You know that.

Georgetown is one stage in the path. It's a good stage for your growing maturity, intellect and worldliness. Drink deeply from this well and enjoy, as much as you can. This too will pass (George Harrison, "All Things Must Pass" -- great album!) and you'll want to look back on it w/ affection.

Nepal, like Ithaka, will always be here for you. It is yours, honestly, as Grammy would say. You come of it, have drunk deeply in it and may return to conbribute more to her some day. But, as much as you want to be w/ us, you also need to form your young and potential life.

This summer we will all indulge our joy in living together as a family for those months here in our home. You'll have time w/ Leah and us. Although, as you'll see, we are also busy in our lives, creating, working, engaging the world as best we can. We can't live each other's lives, but support each other, respect each other and love each other.

Nepal is a gift to all of us, even w/ the terrible traffic, the stomach disease, the air pollution, the selfish and short-sighted politicians. It's a terribly governed state that is trying to break free of its past and create a modern future. Not easy within itself or b/n the twin behemoths who just want to eat from her while so many Nepalis flee to better locales.

You'll see and learn a lot w/ a young man's eager and insightful eyes this summer. Much you'll experience to take back w/ you for your studies and professional growth.

After all, you don't have to belong to America, if you don't like now or in the future. Altho, again quoting Grammy, 'you come by her honestly'. She has her gifts, as well, for you to learn from and indulge. As you note, the magnificent nature protected by the wisdom of its leaders, your cousins who love you and an open society in which to think and critque. For your studies, you are a fortunate young man to have such a fine university in which to learn and grow without all of the politics, lack of resources and unrest that harms higher education here.

All I mean to say in my sober rambling is that we LOVE you (you know that)
and that you have choices beyond your wildest imagination ahead of you. Keep your distant, cool eye on the prize of a quality education upon which you can build a glife and career in which you will find fulfillment. Work provides one of the deepest and most lasting joys of glife (it took me a long time to realize that...). In our modern world, education is the basis for those options. Therefore, tough and lonely and demanding as it is (I'm sure your buddy Aristotle has something to say on this, too..), your quest must lead through this period of study, reflection, learning and growth.

We are there, always, in your heart, especially when you need us the most.

love, Dad

ps: you write beautifully when you write from the heart! if you don't mind me saying, i see so much of my inner confusion and torment when i was at Amherst. Mom wud recognize this letter as being me, as well... We are, after all, father and son, thankfully so... xoxo, me

Ezi Write as Virginia Woolf w/ Dad as Mrs. Ramsay...

To the Hill

                        The credits rolled down the screen listing the customary names and positions of the hundreds, if not thousands, of people involved in making the film -- it struck Ezra that ‘credits’ were the perfect visage for an unassuming, simple observance that in reality laid the framework for a calculated, complex ceremony whose purpose was to make the viewer feel splendidly insignificant and incompetent. It was getting late and his homework wasn’t finished. As it was unfinished homework made him feel incompetent (and that was on regular days) the movie only added to his sudden guilty pang of grand incompetence. He sprang up from the old Thai triangular pillow he had been lying on, compelled by his sudden pang of guilt. His parents, his brother, and his baby sister (all of whom had been watching the movie) were still hypnotically glued to the credits -- reflecting on the movie, their musings, the day, thingsthatbabiesthinkabout, dinner (possibly), lunch (maybe), breakfast (probably not).

            The movie’s end panicked him a little; it reminded him of his unfinished work, but now that he had walked over to the computer, calculated the work that needed to be done (and the time he had to get it done), and began composing an email to his ‘future-self’ he felt much more composed. Outside he could hear the light patter of rain falling on the house; these light drizzles were the pebbles that signaled the avalanche of monsoon that engulfed the Himalayan Kingdom every summer. Things would never the same. He peered over the computer and saw that the rest of his family had finally broken free from the hypnotic effects of rolling credits; his father, Keith, his mother, Shakun, and his baby sister, Leah, were now dancing to the Indian-themed music -- he couldn’t help smiling. He glanced over to his (also smiling) brother, Joshua, they caught each others eye, and smiled uncontrollably.

            He was in control now. The work would get done. In fact, now that he thought about it, he had made the right choice to watch the movie with the family. It was what his father wanted, with his brother, Joshua, preparing to go to boarding school in a couple of months, at this point every moment spent together was treasured by his parents (still dancing). He began his email:

Hey future Ez,

just try not to think about how dad was dancing around in the TV room yesterday...haha anyways i’m tired i’ve got to do some stuff so i’m gonna bounce...but just remember you’re probably gonna have some work to do cuz i didn’t do it okay? anyways just do what i don’t...

catch you on the flipsyde...

            He smiled at the thought of his future-self and decided, as a memento to the film, to sign the email: Googol Ganguly. Then he clicked ‘Send,’ said goodnight to Mum, Dad, Josher, and Leah Loo, stumbled down to his bedroom, pulled out his unfinished work, and, with the dying image of his parents and little sister dancing to movie credits, fell fast asleep.

            The book was better, Jhumpa Lahiri’s The Namesake, but it was a wonderful movie nonetheless. The movie had struck close to home tonight, Keith Leslie thought, although his own life had been the story in reverse. He had come from the West (the Land of the Free, Big Stick Democracy, Hamburgers, Home of the Brave) to explore the east (deep seated history, spicy food, governments steeped in monarchy). However, the protagonist, Gogol Ganguly, displayed the same confused idealism and youthfulness that had propelled him to his life here on this six-thousand foot ridge overlooking the Kathmandu Valley. It had given him this life with his wonderful wife (now putting the youngest to bed), his three awe-inspiring children, an amazing home, and of course the garden; reminding him that it was the perfect time to revel in the beauty of the garden. He slipped quietly downstairs and glanced into Ezra’s room -- he had fallen asleep books and papers scattered around him, one was resting lightly on his chin. Keith gently pulled it off, laid it beside him, turned off the lights and headed for the backdoor.

            The door was already locked and in the darkness he fumbled with the latch locks. Finally, he was rewarded by the distinct “kathunk!” of freedom. He pulled on the door handle, pushed the gauze screen wide open, and took a deep breath as he escaped into the peaceful serenity and bounty of nature. The light drizzle blanketed him in a soft cooling rain when the warm glow of lights turned on revealing the exquisitely fragile and beautiful garden, a delicate expanse of green existence.

            Shekhar, the Nepali gardener/guard who had been outside, heard the screen door opening, turned on the lights, and came over, “Namaste, Sir.” It was always a pleasure to walk in the garden with Sahib, together they had helped nurture and build this garden. He had been with the Leslies for over fifteen years now -- he knew that Sahib understood the true beauty of the garden. If everything went ahead as planned though, he would be leaving the Leslies in a few months time to serve manual labor in the Middle East. Although nothing could beat the working conditions here with the Leslies, the Western salary would help earn money -- he wasn’t getting younger.

            Together in mutual silence and respect they walked along the bank of the brook that runs alongside the ten ropanis (acre)  of property that Keith had bought with Shakun twenty years ago. The house, built seven years ago, represented how far he had come since he arrived in this Himalayan Kingdom, a simple Amherst graduate from Upstate New York who left America seeking enlightenment, but never came back. Leah was born into this house, Josh and Ezra had grown from boys into men here, and even he had gone into his fifties in this house.

            Shekhar was now kneeling over the bank, the moonlight shining upon his short and thin, but strong, frame as he peered into the cool, flowing water. “Aunus, Sahib,” he said pointing into the water. Keith walked over and gazed at the ten-inch river crabs digging up the streambed. They both gazed on in wonder at the richness of life that thrived around them. After several minutes of wandering thoughts and gazing at the crabs, Keith glanced up, Shekhar had already walked on ahead. Standing underneath the willow tree that swayed slowly under the patter of rain, amidst the otherwise humid spring night, they both turned towards the wire fence (many years since covered in vines, ivies, and plants) at the sound of leaves crunching.

            A horse had wandered over to the fence from nearby grazing pastures to eat at the other side of the property fence. “We must all leave our own grazing pastures at some point,” Keith mused thinking back on his own travels away from the West, Gogol’s less physical (more emotional) departure from his past, and Joshua’s imminent geographic departure halfway across the world to a boarding school in Northfield, Massachusetts (of all places). At the thought he felt a deep remorse rise up in his throat, feeling the physical and emotional distance that would soon separate him from his son. Knowing his two sons it would probably be Ezra leaving next year. “It is funny,” he thought, “I spend the majority of my adult life worlds away from my own parents, and now I feel the pain of a parent as Josh prepares to spread his wings.” He knew it was for the best though, the type of opportunities lay in wait for his son that students at their International school in Kathmandu could only dream of.

            Shekhar and Keith now had slowly made their way along the fence (they let the horse graze) around the stream, across the pond, and into the front yard. The maple tree they had smuggled over from America ten years ago was thriving. It was a wonder to observe the often arbitrary nature of survival for the plants -- some survived, some didn’t -- this maple was already nearly ten feet tall. He stepped forward, the moonlight suddenly revealing the intricate intertwined gossamer web of a spider spun throughout the limbs of the maple. “Hopefully, the spider is more of a Charlotte than a Shelob”, he thought as he smiled to himself.

            What was this Northfield Mount Hermon? This mystical hill ten thousand miles from Kathmandu, this self-professed educational institution of “the head, the heart, and the hand.” What webs would Joshua spin for himself at Mount Hermon, where would they lead him to? These questions rolled through Keith’s mind like the credits at the end of the film making him feel strangely insignificant and incompetent. There was really no way of knowing what his experience would be like in Massachusetts, but whatever happened Keith knew that few kids had grown up in the cosmopolitan, worldly setting that Kathmandu had offered Josh and Ezra (Leah still had time).

            The rain was beginning to fall in larger and more concentrated flurries now, it would soon be time to go in. It must already be 1 am in the morning, but there was one last stop he would have to make. Shekhar had already gotten there. Just beyond the maple, across the other side of the property, lay the bamboo grove. Keith’s love for bamboo encapsulated his passion for his children -- wonder, awe, and immense pride. No stroll in the garden was complete without contemplating the beauty of at least a couple of the forty some-odd bamboo species on their property. Particularly in the spring, as it was now, they were rewarded by the multi-inch sprouting and growth of bamboo’ tusas’ (shoots) daily. Their powers of growth never ceased to amaze him. Together, Shekhar and Keith, caressingly removed the fallen leaves from the roots of the bamboo unearthing new ‘tusas’ and revealing growing ones.

            Keith sighed looking up at the house, the TV light (forgotten to be turned off) still glowing through the window, “Never again will they be the tusas they once were.”  The rain was pouring now -- it was time to go in, he turned to his companion “Namaste, Shekhar.”  “Namaste, Saab,” Shekhar called out, already disappearing off in search of shelter.

            Inside, the house was quiet -- everybody was asleep and staying put, although not for long. Quietly, Keith closed the screen door closing his garden palace behind him. He tiptoed slowly upstairs where Leah had fallen fast asleep in Shakun’s arms (or the other way around, he never could quite tell). The TV and computer were still on, gently bathing their features in the day’s activities.

            Keith silently turned off the TV and sat down at the computer, peering over the top smiling at his daughter and wife softly dozing in each other’s warm embrace; his smile grew as he saw Ezra’s habitual email to his “future-self” in the Outbox. Slipping on his glasses he prepared an email to his son:

            “hey, future once, now past easy ez, what's cooking?  ya missed a splendid stroll in the midnight garden w/ sheks et moi.  great visuals of ten inch crabs digging up the stream bed, a horse out the fence munching on the grass, magnificent gossamer charlotte's webs on the maple tree, the massive tusa coming up in the bamboo groves and the drizzle becoming a slight downpour telling us it was time to turn in.  i know it's no comparison to chemistry or mystic literature... but what's an olde guy to do when he doesn't have classes anymore... just go out and watch the natural world do its amazing thing...  have a lovely morning, son.  love you, you know, your once and future dad

            Outside, the rain fell unabatedly on the ten inch crabs digging into the river bed, on the horse grazing away from its pastures, on Charlotte spinning her webs, on the ‘tusas’ growing without respite, on Shekhar dreaming in his room, on the young and the old, on the awake and the sleeping, on the staying and the going. 

RDN and A Dalit Honor...

I was thinking of my distant yet not forgotten Save the Children friends today when I was invited to attend a ceremony at the Staff College by RDN, a serious Dalit NGO working primarily in the Mid/Far West of Nepal.  For some reason, they decided to honor me for my work with the Dalit communityin Nepal over the years -- of course, most of that with  many others (Gary Shaye, Krishna Sob, Bharat Devkota, Lilamani Sharma, Nar Maya Thapa, Shiva Dangol, Durga Shrestha, Gopal Sunar, Angie Brasington et al...) through SC/US in the 80s and 90s.  

It was a seriously odd feeling to hear our past three decade history including: the early terai Dalit studies we did in the late 80s in Siraha (remember Prof. Krishna Khanal and Khagendra Sharma's reports?); the early 90s USAID Basic Education for the Least Educated (BELE) Project for Dalits; the start-up of the Nepal Children's Scholarship Endowment Program (NCSEP) w/ the NNDSWA; our national agenda on Dalit issues with the INGO and bilateral community in the 90s; the Dalit student from Kailali who we supported to become an MD in Bangladesh years ago; and the "Is There Room Enough?" report on Dalit recruitment in national and international development agencies remembered and reviewed by people who lived and had not forgotten some of that special history with us.  

To be honest, at times I felt like I was listening to someone else's funeral peroration...  and smiling to myself on the dias...

With the personally inscribed RDN certificate and a pashmina shawl, there was also a cash award of 5,000+ rupees.  I'll put that $$ (and my own contribution) into the Nepal Children's Scholarship Endowment Program, if it still exists and is being co-managed by SC/US.  

In fact, I'd be thrilled to see a recent report on the Endowment to see how this Endowment has grown over the years or reached more and more deserving children in the 15 districts where it was implemented.  It's been too many years since I last saw an NCSEP annual report and, it was always one of my favorite mini-activities of our SC/US work -- because it offered such promise for those young kids' lives.  

Throughout the three hour ceremony, my past memories of my SC/US world were deep in my thoughts -- especially while listening to political leader Bam Dev Gautam rant on about armies and war, then Kedarnath Upadhaya, the NHRC Chairperson, speak more eloquently about the issue of Dalit rights in modern Nepal followed by a slew of Dalit leaders speak of their pain and longing.  

Of course, I got my 'duetah subda' ('two words'), as well, and used them to remind the audience of some of the schools Save the Children constructed decades ago in Gorkha District at a time when the Vishwakarmas, Sarki and Pariyar (all Dalit) fathers built the schools, but their children were rarely able to attend them.  

Fortunately, times have changed for Dalits and other marginalized communities in Nepal.  Not the least because of the work of Save the Children colleagues a long time ago...  

Shakun's Latest 'Kathmandu Post" Piece on the New Constitution

Getting their way

by Shakun Sherchand Leslie, Laxman Tharu, Yogendra Chaudhary

LAXMAN THARU

Against the backdrop of the “Ek Madesh, Ek Pradesh” slogan and Adivasi Janajati’s demand for “identity rights”, the 601-member jumbo Constituent Assembly came into being. The Adivasi Janajati’s advice to Ian Martin, the then UNMIN representative, to settle the peace process before holding the election fell on deaf ears.

By dint of Jana Andolan II and virtue of the Interim Constitution, Nepalis were promised the drafting of a new constitution by May 28. For Adivasi Janajatis, Madeshi, Dalits and Muslims, this was an opportune time for their national integration through affirmative action.

The untimely drafting of the constitution will go against the grains of the 24-point, 9-point and 5-point agreements signed with the Madeshi, Adivasi Janajatis, Dalits and the marginalised communities respectively. The drafters have supplemented samabesi-samanupatik (inclusive-reservation) as bonus rights but backtracked from incorporating  “agradhikar” (restorative justice) and  “purna samanupatik” (equal rights through complete proportional representation) — which clearly expresses the desire of the marginalised groups for both human rights (their original rights) as well as citizen rights (democratic rights).

State restructuring

The Balkanisation of the country into 14 federal states on a hypothetical basis has led to such strange bedfellows as the Madeshi parties and the Tharus negotiating on a common ground.

The quixotic application of rule of law in delineating territories is clearly driven by the desire of gerrymandering. Many questions remain unanswered: Whom do Khaptad and Jadan states represent? When did Khasan hastily evolve into Karnali? Why does Khaptad angle its massive body in the northwest sneaking through Burang into China? When did the Tharus and Madeshis invite Narayani, a third entity, to take a positional command with Bihar? What rule of law justifies the mincing of Tharuhat into Awadh-Lumbini-Tharuhat while Western Tarai is hacked into Mithila-Bhojpur-Koch-Madesh? Why does Narayani spread its distorted tentacles into Newa, Tamsaling, Tamuwan, Magarat, Tharuhat and Mithila? Why are Tamangs in Dhading, Sindhuli, Kavre and Nuwakot harshly split from their communities and forced into Narayani and Sunkosi? 

The state restructuring has opened up strategic gateways to unmentioned Brahmin/ Chhetri territories for economic purposes and made it easy for them to divide and rule by gerrymandering in future elections. Deconstructing the identity reality to trigger conflicts in terms of language, religious, and cultural rights has thus confused assimilation policies.

A donut constitution

If state sovereignty and authority is vested in Nepali citizens (Interim Constitution, Article-2) and all Nepalis collectively own the state, then the state cannot continue to be the blueprint of one gene pool as is evident through the genetic engineering of 240 years of internal history, although the nation itself has characteristics of a multi-ethnic, multi-lingual, multi-cultural state (Interim Constitution — Article-3).

Ethnic federalism in Nepal exercises identity, culture, religion and secured space against the “intellectual” manufactured nationalism of the state. Although Nepal has overlapping identities, the marginalised groups/cultures want past errors to be corrected.  The biggest constitutional challenge of Nepal is building cohesiveness through trust-building mechanisms and equality as the basis of the law. There is a lack of political will in accommodating the minorities. Party alliances and personal gains override all concerns for drafting a peoples’ constitution.

The capacity for variety is the strength of federalism. Promotion of mono-caste rule is detrimental to non-homogeneous aspirations of the multi-culturally diverse groups. The diverse groups see their identity as incompatible with the national identity, promoted by a fledgling democracy and nurtured by immature, political bickering.

The CA is heading into a tailspin as its members are mobilizing communities for future movements on one hand; and on the other, the ethnic demands for redemption have not abated. No constitution gains legality without the sanction of citizens. The one-sided sermons of the political parties will keep the progressive document from empowering and fulfilling peoples’ aspirations for rights, liberties and opportunities.

The constitution drafters would expend energy wisely in taking the aspirations of the marginalised groups as the key concern in bridging social and economic disparities. As constitutional watchdogs for social justice, they are determined to follow the constitutional process. Nepal is partner to the ratification act of ILO Convention Article 6 and Declaration’s Article 18. In 1979, Nepal ratified the elimination of racism and discrimination (CERD)-1969), so Nepal is obligated to practice the ethics of non-discrimination at every level.

The dialogue for social inclusion will read fictitious if the demands of the marginalised groups are not recognised as justifiable, natural demands of a social organism. The CA is not a magic bullet for social redresses. The major political parties are focusing too much energy on the political process rather than on the rule of law. Their brute force is an expression of the unchecked liberty of dominant forces, driving the marginalised groups to take flight.

Spring of 2010 is going to herald discontent, with the most odd but necessary alliances joining forces while the CA will be filibustering to delay issues important in the drafting of the constitution before it is approved by Nepali citizens. The state restructuring must not prove to be yet another accident of history, but an act of territorial integrity. Right now, the state restructuring is immersed in too much history juxtaposed against too little geography. 

Email Xchange a/ Friend on the Nature of Man & THE

the THE or EHT may be enough...  for me, frail and all-too-human, as i be, will linger on the cusp of full embrace to keep an eye on the janus nature of the world around me before finally and fully embracing the THE when it's time to fall deeply, fully, eternally into the oTHEr.  

fully and sans regret!

On Mar 22, 2010, at 9:12 PM, S. wrote:

it IS enough...IF we could live  forever...the shadow of death makes it just miss...so only God, when we can connect to the THE (that's my new name for divinity) through the gate of our longing and our joy..and le femme....the life giving MORE of attraction, love, fantasy, as well as family, hearth the spinehard generational empassing.  

On Mon, Mar 22, 2010 at 5:21 PM, Keith Leslie wrote:

true.  it's not hubris, but that compassion that comes w/ the human incarnation, as difficult as it is to believe some days.  still, we are blended race, full of joy, love and self-deceit.  no easy answers to the good questions.  

i see the true souls struggling while the easy riders slide through life.  friends who give so much and are given so little, except the love they deserve.  while the clever glide by in their conceit.  yet, yet, yet... we see such in all countries and cities.  

it's an old story, no?  bibilical in resonance and repititon.  but, there are those dickensian souls for whom g-d keeps the world alive and sensitive to the turmoil and torments of existence.  the g-d of little things, isn't she?  

or obama fulfilling his temporary promise w/ a few, modest few votes to reform healthcare for 330 million americans.  

or matisyahu singing his paens to the beauty in the world!  (ezi downloaded a few hundred songs for me before he returned to the usofa...).   "one day, stop with the violence, sing a song of freedom land!  one day.  one day.  one day.  all my life i've been waiting for, praying for, for the people..."  

it's a good fight, brother s..  a fight worth living for.  love and the battle for beauty and compassion.  with a few good books and some enchanting movies, it's almost enough...   

On Mar 22, 2010, at 8:48 PM, S. wrote:

thanks man...I needed that nourishing side of you, otherwise I would be sad thinking you thinking me as on the side of hubris or worse. but what can you do? you have to try...right?

 

On Mon, Mar 22, 2010 at 5:06 PM, Keith Leslie wrote:

true, friend, it's a struggle to get folks to rise above their doubts and cynicism, altho their hearts still tell them there is good to be done and i'm sure you enjoy the struggle for good.  

i had many such years at save the children and loved it!  writing letters annually to our benefactors and cajoling usaid and individuals about the good deeds that we were doing.  even now, i get some latent satisfaction from those years.  the individuals we invested in among the dalit, tamang and tharu communities are now running their own NGOs or working for bilaterals or within UNDP.  these are opportunities were beyond their reach a decade or two ago.  

it's a good feeling that lingers years after the hard work, plus the satisfaction of others' appreciation in nepal for the years passed.  you'll enjoy the same here as time goes by.  the investment is well-set and now it's oiling the equipment and building the organization.  

enjoy every moment, as it, like so much, passes all too quickly.  then we can stroll up here on the roof and enjoy reflecting on the world below.  finis operis.   your friend, over here, keith

Josh's Reflection on the "City of G-d" by St. Augustine

Augustine writes of “two cities” in the “City of God.” Discuss the two cities, what motivates and underlies them, to what ends they are oriented, and the relationship between the two. Can a person truly be simultaneously a citizen of both cities, or does Augustine force one to choose between them?

Ascension?

The two cities are motivated by love; however the love that allows one to ascend to the City of G-d is the antithesis of what motivates a human being in the earthly city as:

The two cities, therefore, were created by two loves: the earthly city

by love of oneself, even to the point of contempt for G-d; the heavenly

  city by the love of G-d, even to the point of contempt of oneself

(Political Writings, Pg. 108)

 The City of G-d is the love of everything, a selfless, unconditional love. Conditions cannot be made in order to create this love as conditional love involves not accepting all the features that make the person, and since we are all made in the image of G-d, we are denying G-d by not tolerating all the imperfections of the person. To love G-d is to love everything in the world, and by loving everything one understands the beauty of everything even “to the point of contempt of oneself”. That is the state where one hates their own persona for being imperfect in comparison to the ‘true’ beauty or perfection that is contained in the world.

The earthly city pales in comparison with the City of G-d as it is feeds upon the carnal desires of the individual. To only have “love of oneself” is to disregard the beauty of other people because one only sees the importance of themselves and everything else, in comparison, seems vapid. Furthermore, “contempt of G-d” in the earthly city is placing a higher precedence for one owns life. This disregards the value of everything in the world because G-d did not only create the individual, but everything in the world equally. If one only sees the brilliance of oneself and does not accept the beauty of the world then that person will see himself as faultless in the world, “it is dominated by pride, exalted in themselves in their own wisdom” (Political Writings, Pg.109).

To reach the City of G-d one must become a G-d, and as we are created in his image, we all have the potential to become G-ds, “a human being who lives according to G-d and not according to man should be a lover of good and, consequently, a hater of evil” (Political Writings, Pg. 97). However, reaching the City of G-d involves doing what is considered ‘good’ in the world, which Augustine never clearly states, but he recognizes it involves being a humble person as “humility is especially recommended in the City of G-d as it journeys in this world” (Political Writings, 101).

Without being a humble person, one only practices self-love because being humble is to understand that one cannot possibly be the best. One cannot possibly know the abilities of another or all the human beings that exist on our mortal plane, therefore, being humble involve understanding how there are different truths, making it impossible to be right. It is as Plato describes in his allegory of the caves in regard to pride. The people bonded in the cave were given prizes for guessing the shadows correctly; however, the forms were still shadows, not the reality or truth. Therefore, the people in the caves were proud based on their perception of reality, a reality that, when emancipated from the caves, was in fact a shadow of the truth. 

Physical beauty motivates the earthly city; however, even though it is created by G-d, beauty does not last forever as it is only a corporeal feeling that feeds one’s temptations and desires. “The beauty of the body, then, was indeed made by G-d, but it is a temporal, carnal, and lower good” (Political Writings, pg. 114).  The desire and sole appreciation of beauty will never cause one to live in the City of G-d because beauty is ephemeral, whereas, the spiritual beauty one finds in the City of G-d is something that is everlasting and permanent, not susceptible to the changes of time. Moreover, if one only appreciates someone’s physical beauty, then that is practicing self-love as it feeds ones temporal desires. Without being able to see that everyone is beautiful, in spirit and soul, one does not believe everyone to be equal, and in the city of G-d, everyone is equal independent of the differences in their body.

Aristotle states that “every beginning is directed to some end of its kind” (Political Writings, 156). This illustrates how our life, and human life, is directed towards either a state of destruction, as Aristotle states that the destruction of the earthly city is inevitable, or a state of complete equality and understanding through the ascension to the City of G-d. “Its princes and the nations that it subjugates is dominated by the lust to dominate; in the second, all mutually serve on another in charity” (Political Writings, pg.109).  In the City of G-d, everyone lives to help each other because of their selfless love. No one lives for themselves or is in a state of “love of oneself” as they want every to help the City for the benefit of public good. This symbolizes that everyone in the city of G-d is equal because a desire to dominate comes from pride, and only in the earthly city does pride exist.

In the earthly city, domination of a fellow human being is acceptable, allowing for a human being to treat the other person unequally. Furthermore, to dominate a fellow human being means that one sees himself as better than the fellow individual, and because he sees himself as a better individual, the “princes and nations” justifies their domination as being for the good of mankind. However, if everyone viewed each other as equals, as in the City of G-d, then the world would not require domination by anyone as no person or state would feel superior to their fellow man.

Augustine recognizes that there must be finality in relation to good and evil in the world as an ascension to the City of G-d requires an understanding of the world in which evil ceases to exist.

The final good not that through which good is destroyed, and so ceases to exist,

  but that through which it is perfected, and so exists fully; and we call the “final

  evil” not that through which evil ceases to be, but that through which it produces

  its greatest harm (Political Writings, Pg. 141)

The “final good”, the ascension to the City of G-d, is where the understanding of good is incontrovertible. Once we understand the “final good”, we as human beings will become emancipated from the chains of doubt and fear that transpire because of the carnal temptations offered by evil that obscure one’s belief in “good”. Moreover, if one’s actions are based upon an unconditional good, then, it is also unconditional love as one only desires to do the action of “good” for the sake of “serving on another in charity”. The “final evil”, or a complete degradation towards the earthly city, involves the world ceasing to exist as it will be “condemned to final punishment, it will cease to be a city” (Political Writings, Pg. 112).

             The two cities are intertwined, and in this life time, in our mortal plain, we can never truly reach the heavenly city; however if we live by ‘faith’ in its existence and a desire to try and achieve its morals then it will bring us peace until death.

         The heavenly city, however, or rather the part of it which journeys in this

  mortal life and lives by faith, necessarily uses this peace, too, until the

very mortality which makes such a peace necessary might pass away

(Political Writings, Pg. 156)

The City of G-d is not in place in our world; it is a state of mind where we accept the ethical principles that are taught by G-d. Understanding that we as human beings were created by G-d in his image, and, therefore, when we live our life in the mortal plain, we must adhere to the ‘higher’ principles of being humble and have a desire to do “good”. Living by these principles will allow the heavenly city to become alive in the mind and soul of an individual.  Rising to the City of G-d is only possible in our minds and soul on our earthly plain.

            The two cities are affiliated with each other because of G-d’s gift to humans, free choice. We, as human beings, have the ability to be good or allow evil to exist within our bodies and mind. “He did not take this power of free choice from them, but judged it to be better and more efficacious to bring good out of evil than to refuse to allow evils to exist" (Political Writings, Pg. 184). G-d could have created the world void of evil, but the real test that human beings have to go through is to remove our soul of carnal desires, evil, that the earthly city offers. Instead, we must take our freedom of choice to choose between good and evil. We must see the City of G-d within our world and try to bring it forth from the evils that human beings are susceptible to desire.

            The two cities amalgamate in our world to create human life, the struggle between what one considers good and the temptations that are offered by evil. Moreover, the realization of our “free choice” will emancipate us from the fears and insecurities that is apparent in our world because it is a test of our real character. Whether we are meant to be evil and live temporarily, until its or our destruction, in the earthly city or fight our carnal desires to mentally live in the City of G-d. However, living only to please ones lascivious desires is potentially a lonely life because it will cause people not to desire being around you as your concern will only be about “self-love” and increasing one’s pride, unconcerned about the extraneous world.

            While few will ever truly achieve a City of G-d state of mind, everyone has to live in the earthly city.   Therefore, a person can simultaneously be citizens of both cities as the earthly city is the world that surrounds us, and living, spiritually, in the City of G-d is to be void of carnal desires and thoughts.  On earth, we can still practice the basic teachings, that Augustine states, of G-d: humility, selfless love, and a desire to better one’s community. We aspire to the City of G-d while living on the earthly plain. 

Joshua S. Leslie